Killtherun

Running Updates.... and such

2011-08-18T01:40:00.000-06:00

Not a lot to update! I just realized it had been a long long long time since I wrote about any adventures.

This summer started with a bummer when I completed 1/2 of the Squaw Peak 50 snow course, and then had to drop because I was having IT band issues. The snow course was much more difficult than the real course, and I am praying it is many more years before we have that much snow in June again! I decided after that run I will take Bozung Hill about 5 times before Pole Haven Hell, Rock Canyon, and the Shoreline Trail in the heat! Never-the-less, it was all the expected hell an ultrarunner can dream and more!

I was thrilled to hear that Grant Holdaway finished his 10th year at Squaw Peak, at the age of 80, and then felt like a wimp for dropping! But it was good that I did, because a few weeks later it turned into a stress point, and then I had to take 6 weeks completely off of running all together. This means I donated my race fees for Speed Goat, Deseret News Marathon, and sadly didn't even get to start the beast of Katcina Mosa! That was the saddest one for me. Katcina has beat me 2 years in a row, and I was going to conquer Katcina or die this year! Instead I listened to the advice of my doctor and gulp.... stopped running for a few weeks! I volunteered at the coral at aid station 9 (mile 56) and watched several beat up of my running friends come through!

I decided part of the cause of the stress fracture was the pair of $170 Hoka Maffetes that I purchased in May. I have been buying running shoes since 1997 and I have always needed a size 10 in a running shoe. The problem with the Hoka's is for whatever reason, despite the most common shoe size for a womens' running shoe being a 10, they only go up to a 9.5 in women's. The additional problem with the shoe is that the toe box is much smaller than other running shoes, and so a proper size for my foot would be a 10.5.

That mistake cost me 3.5 races, and having to avoid almost any impact on my foot for weeks. I sold the shoes to someone who has a smaller foot, and will go back to my tried and true trail shoes that I know work for my foot!

I started short distances this week, and so far my foot is holding up. I have been working a lot on my upper body strength with Tandi, and feel like I can start introducing Mauy Thai and running back into my life, wahoo!!!

In addition to my injury, I have been migrating Southward.

I opened a new office in Spanish Fork in May. I am building a house in Springville, and trying to rent out my Lindon home and rent a house in Springville in the meantime while our home is being built!

My kids have started school at Springville schools, and I am scoping out some of my old running routes from my hometown of Mapleton! Thinking I might use that Pole Haven Hell road for hill training, because if I can take that a few times, Windy Pass will be a breeze next year! LOL

Graduate school is over, I am anxious to get back to being an ultrarunnerboxer maniac!

Happy Trails! Hopefully my updates and races will start becoming more frequent again!

Snow Shoe Festival 50K and update

2011-03-06T15:24:00.000-07:00

It has been a very busy year, so I haven't been updating much.

But I am doing much better. Through lots of sleep, time management, and Nutritional Support I completed 45 miles of the 100K on Antelope Island in November. My first test run and I had no hydration issues.

I climbed Kilimanjaro in January.

I completed the Katoohla Winter Snow Shoe 50K and was the only woman who finished. So despite my slow time due to not having much time to train this year, I got a first place trophy, and came in last! It was awesome!

I have been spending more time on conditioning, and will pick up more on boxing and my miles once I graduate in about 8 weeks. But my body is working better, and my POTS symptoms have not been bothering me. They are almost not noticeable.

Lots of emotional support, nutritional help from Elena, and rest, and supplements to help my adrenal glands have seemed to help. I am now needing a close to normal amount of salt that you would expect, and not the super high amounts.

This has been encouraging news!

Killimanjaro

2011-03-06T15:18:00.001-07:00

Update on Running and Life

2010-10-29T11:29:00.000-06:00

I just realized I never wrote a Wasatch report. Because I had to DNF at Francis Peak, and determine my body is still healing.

However, after taking quite a bit of a break, and doing some "easy" workouts, I am feeling better, my energy is returning, and I am not having the same hydration issues I was having with POTS.

I am starting to think my main problem can be attributed to my adrenal glands having been very stressed out from my first year of grad school having very little sleep, maintaining a full race/boxing schedule, practicum, classes, etc. Basically burning the candle on 5 different ends.

I have had to be very careful in getting a lot of sleep since my body just seemed to stop working for a couple of weeks in July, and my energy has been very low ever since then.

I was sleeping for 10-12 hours on most nights for a couple of months, and still feeling tired. But now, I am finally starting to feel a bit more normal, although I have to be careful and make sure I get no less than 7 hours of sleep a night, so I am in bed by 9-10 pm nearly every night.

But I have started picking up my training again, not back up to quite normal for me, but it is getting up there and running is starting to feel like something I remember that I like doing again, I am training 2 x per week with Tandi, the boxing queen, and she is pushing me a lot, and has recommended some supplements to me that are making a huge difference, and I am not needing abnormal amounts of sodium and potassium to stay alive! This is good news! This means my body is tolerating activity more normally, I am not requiring super high amounts of hydration anymore, this is also good news, and I believe having my adrenal glands starting to work more normally, is controlling some of the POTS symptoms, and even eliminating the need for higher amounts of salt than normal, or at least reducing the crazy amounts that I was having to take.

I pretty much have had to take a position for the moment of doing only what is necessary for my school, practicum, research assistant job, and then doing some physical activity as my body will allow and I have time for, and increasing the amount and intensity at a rate that will not stress my adrenal glands. But right now, sleep is still more of a priority than physical activity in the order of what my body needs, so if there is a choice, sleep is still winning out in importance.

That is starting to shift and balance out. To my friends I have not seen in a while, I am still here, but I am being pretty low-key in life as my body heals. I am happy to say, I am seeing a beginning of a return to my normal self, and ultimately I think my performance is going to be much better than it was before all this stuff occurred, because it has been affecting my abilities to perform, and my speed during endurance events had been losing ground even though my abilities in shorter runs had been improving, and my intensity increasing, but that all was affected as well, when my body seemed to shut down in July.

I skipped out on the Ogden Valley 50 mile run last week, and that was a difficult decision. I had been planning on running it even up through about 8 pm the night before, but I changed my mind after I realized how far behind I was in completing some school work, some stuff for my job, and just that I had been so busy all week, that I was not even ready in having my drop bags and would have been leaving my house after hurrying to pack, and driving the 1:45 hours to Mountain Green, and then running on little sleep, and expecting myself to then make up for the time I spent running by losing more rest on Sunday to catch up with my life.

So instead, being very tired at that point, I decided to go to bed, forget about the 4th year of the streak I was on with that race, and it having been my very first ultra 3 years ago, that was a bit emotional to give up, however, I decided I need to instead focus on healing, and doing what is best for my physical and mental health, and in being able to graduate with my Master's Degree in May and still be alive when I am done.

So instead I realized, that for this year, if I am planning on actually being able to run any races, and survive the demands of my extra clinical hours I have to put in for my practicum, get my course work done, attend to my family's needs as much as I am able to so that my children don't feel abandoned, I have to make an effort to zone in on actually prioritizing and planning so that I can get the work done before hand, without losing sleep, so that if I run a long race, and lose a whole weekend in racing, and sleeping after a race to allow my body to recover properly, and not stress out about having to then catch up on the other obligations I have to get my work done for school, and risk losing ground with my health that is now returning. I need to protect the healing space that I have found.

This has been a mental shift for me, to allow myself to be OK with deciding, even last minute, if a race is going to jeopardize my health and my ability to complete the other demands I have for this year. I used to feel like a failure if I had to DNF, or if I had to decide to not start a race I had committed to run. But I have come to the conclusion, that the only person who really cares if I finish a race, or start a race is myself, and I am holding a measure of importance on something that in the long run, is expendable and will not negatively affect myself or others in how successful I am with life.

On the other hand, if I do not complete my coursework, or meet my obligations to my family, or RA job, or I sacrifice sleep because I am trying to do everything, including a race that I can skip for now, and run next year, than those consequences are actually of significance, and my priorities are not in the right place if that is so.

So, now, I have compromised. I was very sad to miss the OV 50 last week, but it was horrible weather in the end anyway, and I can start over with a streak of 1 next year, and that is that. But not running that race, has allowed me space to get enough things in order, to plan for being completely free to run the new Antelope Island 100K on November 6th, and have any work that I need to have done complete before Friday night, so that when I run Saturday, I can come home, and sleep as much as I need to on Sunday, and wake up ready to do the work I need to on Monday, without scrambling to play the catch up game, and being over tired, and putting myself in a risk for getting sick or moody as a result.

So next up is the 100K, and I mentally preparing and trying to get enough of life in order to not lose sleep over it, plus have my race stuff ready a couple of days before, so I can just drive to the start line and have fun!

I am also working closely with Elena on having a mostly wholefood diet, which is helping my GI problems go way by eliminating anything with Corn Syrup, or refined carbohydrates.... since that seems to be part of my absorption issues.... and that is making a difference big time!

I am taking a new supplement from Nu Skin/Pharmanex, called Vitality, that is making the biggest difference in my energy, endurance, and recovery that I have ever seen with any product! Tandi got me on it, and I was skeptical, but it is making a huge huge difference! I am not needing more than a normal nights sleep, I am tolerating physical activity more normally now, and things are getting much better. I am also on an adrenal supplement with adrenal tissue and b-vitamins, some digestive enzymes, and probiotics.

These have all eliminated my need to have higher amounts of sodium, and my weight is starting to slowly return to normal as well, as at the adrenal problems caused my weight to jump by about 15 lbs, and had caused a 10 lb weight gain during the whole year before, so now I am trying to slowly get my body to drop those 25 lbs, which is a slow process to figure out with dietary adjustments, and just getting my body systems working normally, and getting rid of the fluid retention that has been problematic with all my fluctuating hydration needs.

So, it is quite an interesting process, and things are looking like they are finally staying in a positive upward direction, and leveling out slowly.

I will update on what happens with the Antelope Island 100K next week, and see how my body responds to my first real attempt at a race, with a more positive chance at being successful since my Katcina Mosa DNF.

Call for Pacers

2010-09-03T19:54:00.000-06:00

I really want to finish Wasatch next week. I have had some interesting setbacks this year with figuring out my strange body issues. I am figuring them out, but it is still a bit of a guessing game. I would welcome anyone who is interested helping me complete my goal of finishing Wasatch for the moral support. My body is on the mend, and I can run as long as I don't get dehydrated, and can keep my blood sugar stable, but I am still building my confidence back up after this year. It has been a hard year for races, and the DNF's are the ones I have learned the most useful in formation about what to do and not do to in order to be able to keep running and finishing.

So this is just a call out, for anyone that would be interested in helping me stay motivated and hopefully finish this one. I really want to finish, and having the issues on Katcina Mosa really was devastating for me, because I was well prepared, I just didn't know that I am sensitive to fructose, and when I am running that is what was interfering with my blood sugar. I did a long run on Timp, no fructose, and no blood sugar issues!

So anyway, this is I guess an emotional request to help keep me on speed. I want to finish Wasatch more than anything right now. There are a lot of things going that would make this a meaningful finish for me.

POTS Test update

2010-08-13T13:36:00.000-06:00

I heard back from Dr. Joy today, my POTS test came back positive, which means I for sure have POTS. The way they test for it is by having you lie down for 30 minutes and drawing your blood, and then having you stand up for 30 minutes and drawing your blood while standing. Drawing my blood while standing nearly made me pass out, which is a POTS response, not a fear of needles but an androgenic response. What happens, and what they test for is a change in norepinephrine levels when drawing the blood in the supine position vs. standing. If you have POTS your levels will be higher while standing due to an androgenic response. If you test positive then you for sure have POTS, if you test negative, then you can still have POTS. I tested positive, and my standing noepinephrine levels are over 2 x the reference levels, which is very high.

What this means for treatment, I have no idea. Dr. Joy says I am a strange case because I have basically learned to self-manage most of my symptoms and prevent them from worsening intuitively. All of the lifestyle things they would have me do I am already doing, and have been naturally drawn to because I have figured out how to make things better. She doesn't want to put me on a beta-blocker because I am a runner and she says I would hate it. She is consulting with other Dr.'s to see what my treatment options are, but in the mean time my symptoms are generally much improved with the sodium and potassium increases, and I will be working with Elena to figure out if there are ways to improve the blood sugar fluctuation issues during endurance events.

Overall, I feel positive that we are going to figure this thing out and that my running and ability to finish races will improve as we figure out what works and what does not.

Not diabetic!

2010-08-13T10:21:00.000-06:00

This is good news! The blood sugar issues I have been having are part of POTS. When I have a stress response I release high amounts of epinephrine which causes an insulin response. This is why during some endurance events, I have blood sugar issues.

So now I will be working with Elena on figuring out a nutrition plan to help minimize this effect, and hopefully be successful at Wasatch next month.

Part of what seems to probably help is getting a lot of sleep before a race, and reducing stress as much as possible. I guess I will be adding on more meditative moments to my life. This will be interesting to try and do this during my second year of grad school!

Kactina Mosa and Speed Goat 50K reports

2010-08-08T19:12:00.000-06:00

Well, I am not feeling much like reporting, because I am discouraged a bit at the moment.

The positive, I am finding out more at each race what works with my body, and in many ways improving my situation. On the discouraging side, I am finding out more about my body and how weird it is, and in a phase of a lot of trial and error. The problem is, one error that I don't know about can kill a race for me. That is what happened at Kactina Mosa.

I DNF'd last year due to dehydration after leaving Windy Pass, and I was determined to finish no matter what this year. But it looks like I have to modify my expectation for the time being. I am still in an experimental phase trying to figure out what works with POTS. It seems like I have figured out how to stay hydrated, but it also looks like I am probably diabetic.

I am still undergoing different test, and it is probably early stages, but I think Dr. J is likely to start me on medication on Wednesday. She is also going to do a POTS test, but my blood glucose is showing wild patterns.

It was two bottles of Ensure that killed my race yesterday. So now I know one more what not to eat piece. I decided to start at 1am, and give myself 2 hours extra so that I could take time at every aid station to accurately write down all my intake, because that is part of what I am working on with Elena to figure my body out. I felt fine and determined when I started out, and decided to take the first section moderately. I was surprised at how much easier the hills felt this year. I have been doing a lot of conditioning, core strengthening, and balance exercise, and it has made a huge difference. When I am feeling perfect, it means theoretically my speed on all my races should be faster. Much faster! My running time is actually faster, what is killing me are these metabolic issues that I am still trying to get under control!

I was fine until I got to about mile 17, the turn off to climb the toughest part of the course, Lightening Ridge. It was there that I downed a bottle of Ensure and started the climb. I also figured out since than the the Nathan Catalyst tablets I have been putting in my water are the culprit of my GI problems. They contain fructose, and I am not handling fructose. Anyway, I didn't figure this out until later but basically the Ensure made my blood sugar spike so high that I started having vision problems, and my heart rate jumped to 200 bpm. I had to stop and sit down until it slowed down, and then I could move again. This is how I had to get up the ridge, and about two hours later, I finally felt normal again. This is what I am figuring out my problem is. When I eat something that spikes my blood sugar, it is at it's worse at 30 minutes, and then usually by two hours it is normal. Actually, when I did my 2 hour glucose test I was hypoglycemic at 2 hours, even though I felt horrible, and am pretty sure my sugar spiked in the same pattern. I probably have reflexive hypoglycemia.

So I got to the top of the ridge feeling better, and made it down to Big Springs. I was hoping to make it to Big Springs by 8 or 8:30, but that first blood sugar episode cost me at least 1 hour. I started up the climb to Windy Pass, I had to be more conservative because I was not sure at that point what had caused my heart rate to go up so high, and I felt like I was near having a stroke. But my heart rate never spiked again. I felt like I was edgy with my blood sugar the rest of the race, but could manage it.

I got to the top of Windy Pass with Jeff, who had joined me at Big Springs, around 12:30. It was 2 hours later than I had planned on, but that is how much the Ensure cost me. The good news, at first, was that it started raining, and was cool, unlike the 100 degree heat of last year! So I was able to make good time coming down, until it started lightening and hailing! We had to take cover from the hail for a few minutes. When it passed I still was fine, but started to feel shaky again. I had stopped with the Nathan Tabs because I had figured out they were causing the GI issues, but I think I was not in taking enough Scaps. I needed to be taking in about 12-20 per hour, but was unsure of what was causing me to feel bad, so I was probably only at 8-10 per hour, and started to swell. In taking potassium water helped, and I got enough energy to get down to the aid station at Little Valley 20 minutes before the absolute cut off, and so I did the out and back after in taking another Ensure. I felt a little funny, but still not too bad, and left Little Valley at 4:30. I had 2:45 to make the cut off at the next aid, and would have been able to do it, but about .75 miles from the aid station, I started having problems again. I thought my blood sugar was low, so I ate a Honey Stinger, which probably spiked it even more, and caused me to throw up! My heart rate did not go up again, but I had a foggy head, and just felt horrible, and couldn't move fast. Again, at the 2 hour mark, I started to feel better again, but unfortunately I was still 1.75 miles from the aid station when I felt like I could go on again and it was 6:45.

A guy who is on Utah Valley Search and Rescue, and off duty, drove by me. He was just out exploring the road, and wanted to know where it ended. I said I didn't know, but if he would kindly take me to the next aid station, they probably did. I told him I thought I was having blood sugar issues, and he told me he is diabetic, and a nurse, and in school to become a nurse practionare and specialize in diabetes treatment. Wow, that was the perfect guy to come along! So he tested my blood sugar, and it was not super high, but it was at 136, and I had not eaten since I had puked about 2 hours before, and that is high for me, and probably was on it's way down in the same manner of fluctuation it has been showing.

By the time he dropped me off at the aid station I felt so great, I was helping them break down the station. My legs were not even sore, and they still are not. I know had I not been a victim of Ensure, I would have made it probably 2 hours faster, and been fine! I know I will be fine on Wasatch if I can figure out how to manage this blood sugar issue. It seems like I have the hydration issue under control, but now I need to figure out what works for my blood sugar.

Hammer Gels, and Perpetuem, EFS gel system seem to work OK. Honey Stingers spaced out seem to be OK. Anything with too much simple carbohydrates, corn syrup, etc is bad news!

So the good news is I figured this out before Wasatch, and am more likely to be successful. This is partly why I have done so many hard courses this last month, so that I can find out what is and is not going to work before Wasatch! I am encouraged that my legs seem ready to handle 100 miles, I am working very closely with my dietitian and Dr. to figure this out, and get my body working right. It is doing way better, but it is finicky, and sometimes I don't know what not to do, until it has already killed the race, like it did yesterday.

I at least made it 6 miles further than last year, and I will be back, and hoping that I understand my body better and have a successful finish next year! I am more hopeful that I can handle Wasatch today, I was depressed yesterday until I figured out that if I can avoid the wrong kinds of carbs, I will probably be OK. All of these issues are making running tedious because I have to be so scientific on my intake with everything, but it is better than not being able to run, so I will do what I have to.

Last week at the Speedgaot 50K, I did mostly fine, but Karl's course said the cut off was at mile 21.5, and it was actually about 2 miles longer, and all uphill! So I timed out, but I felt great at least. I didn't have any Ensure on that race! The only issue I had, was that I ran out of gels, and there was no drop bag where I needed more of them. So I got hypoglycemic and felt horrible until a girl behind me happened upon me and gave me some gels, my energy felt better after that.

So basically I am having to carry a ton of stuff on my runs, take in tons of sodium, potassium, and water, and eat the right kinds of carbs at least every 30 minutes. It is tedious and a lot of mental effort, but that is what I have to do if I want to get better at ultras, and keep doing them. That is what I want, so I will figure it out eventually, and when I do, I will also be running these courses much faster!

Floody, Flood, Flood

2010-07-30T22:07:00.000-06:00

Yeah! It was sucky! My family vacation that is. We didn't go on any vacation, because Jeff got laid off. We were going to go to Disney Land, but then we were in search-o-job mode and when Jeff got an offer with Mosy two weeks ago we decided we could go on vacation this week, because he starts his job Monday. We are glad most of all that he starts a job Monday, but we decided, since planning last minute Disney Land was going to cost a fortune that we would let the kids decide where to go camp.

They wanted to go backpacking because that is what we did two years ago, and despite the whining and moaning, they claim it was the best trip ever. So we outfitted us all, and when on down to Escalante. Only problem..... it decided to be a desert monsoon this week! That meant, the canyon we stayed in the first night, although out of danger because the cave we stay in is high, had flooded within a few days of us coming in. Calf Creek rarely floods, but it had. So the next day we hiked out since the weather was not looking great. It was a wise call because the Escalante and everywhere was flooding later.

We went to Bryce Canyon, and slept in the campground, set up the tent in the rain, and then it stopped raining. The next day we got 1 hike in at Bryce before the monsoon hit again, and then we ended up in Goblin Valley last night, and this morning.

It was a bit of a tiring trip. Some fun, but a lot of storm skipping, and too much driving. I am glad to be home! Off to bed and running the Speed Goat 50K put on by Karl Meltzer starting at Snowbird up Little Cottonwood Canyon in the Morning. The claim by Karl is that this race has no flat parts on the course. It is all steep up and steep down.

Let you know how it goes.

Night People.

Congrates to fellow local ultra runner

2010-07-22T23:37:00.000-06:00

http://www.ksl.com/index.php?nid=148&sid=11676154&hl=2

My friend John Bozung, who is the RD for Squaw Peak 50, Katina Mosa 100K, and the Katoola Snowshoe Marathon and 50K. He is running number 300 on Saturday! Now I wish I was doing Des News this year, for road races it is one of my favorite courses, and it was my first marathon in 2007.

Did my trail work for Wasatch today. I survived the heat! I only need almost 2 gallons of water, 12,000mg NaCl, and 7,000mg of KCl, it seems like maybe we are figuring some things out! That makes me feel more hopeful!

New from Dr. J

2010-07-21T23:01:00.001-06:00

So I went in to see Dr. J today. She says she thinks I might be in the early stages of type 2 diabetes because I am showing a lot of glucose intolerance. I hope she is wrong, but she ordered a 2 hour glucose test.

Second, she says "I have been discussing your case with all of my colleagues (which translates to you are a strange case that is a mystery to everyone)" not what I want to hear. But she is ordering some weird POTS test that they take your blood while you are laying down, and then having you stand up for a while, and take it standing up. She says in 17 years she has only performed this test maybe 3 times, and out of all the doctors I talk to she is the only one so far that knows anything about POTS, and can actually tell what is going on with my body.

Everyone else blew me off, when I said my glucose was raising over 120 points after I eat (within 30 minutes) because "everyone's raises!" Yes, but not over 120 points. She actually knows that is not a normal pattern..... ding ding ding.

Anyway, I think it still may have been an adrenal problem, so I guess we will see. But if she is right, she wants to start me on metaformin.

At least my body seems to be mostly getting better, and Elena's salt recommendations help, but now we have to monitor my blood pressure, because it does strange things to it. Why can't I have something normal, like.... I don't know, Rabies? There are shots for that!

The Jeff Challenge

2010-07-19T23:30:00.000-06:00

This is more spouse harassment than anything. See, we fight in our marriage because it is fun :) I told Jeff today "Be nice, or I won't fight with you anymore"...haha... love it.

But today I was egging him on, and told him I would challenge him in a 5 K run in Mapleton that we have traditionally ran in the past.... only I want to make it fair so I am going to run from Lindon to Mapleton first, and then race against him in the 5k.

OK, the fair part is a joke, but it is mostly to get some speed challenge when I am tired, and push it when I am already expended. This is my mode of training for Wasatch.

I am going to try to make my run from Lindon to Springville all trails if possible. Next weekend i will be running the Speedgoat 50K, a tough race, that the course profile looks like a messed up intestinal track, and then I will be running the Katcina Mosa 100K.

I am hoping these back to back races challenge me, and help me hone in even more on my hydration and electrolyte balance so I can have a great Wasatch100 time!

Fight number 4... and salt makes a difference!

2010-07-17T20:44:00.001-06:00

I did my fourth Muay Thai fight today, and wow! Salt made a huge improvement on my life. I did about 5000mg potassium chloride, and 10000 of sodium chloride total in my water solution, and in Scaps.

This is the first fight that I have not felt dizzy, it is the first fight that I didn't feel winded afterward, and I actually didn't even feel like I was that exerted after. The previous 3 fights I would get done and just be dead and unable to move off the floor for at least 30 minutes. The adrenaline rush would wipe me out.

Now I think my adrenal glands are not stressed anymore and are functioning properly with the supplements I am taking, and the added salt prevented me from losing energy and getting dizzy.

This was my best fight yet, and I think I have figured out a fluid solution that works for me, and should make my races also much better! I am adding 3 tablets of Nathan Electrolytes to a 32 oz bottle. These are new and similar to Nuun, however they contain close to 1000mg of sodium per tablet and they have sodium chloride, Nuun dose not contain chloride, which is a problem if you are doing endurance events. I found a potassium effervescent powder containing 408 mg per package. I drink about 3-4 20 bottles of just potassium water, and then about 6-8 Scaps, and 32 oz of the Nathan solution with 3 more packets of potassium in the water. The effect was amazing!

I am glad to finally have something that is working, not sending me to the ER, and probably will make my times a lot faster on long courses! I even ran right after the fight. I ran about 3 blocks (just under 1/2 a mile) to get some sushi, and ran back. That was just after the fight, and I wasn't winded, and was sprinting, and want to go for a longer run tonight!

I am very happy about this fight, I have been training a lot too, I know my technique has improved, but having energy, not getting winded, and not fighting vertigo sure made it easier! I have never been more nervous before a fight either. I felt nervous and was having a hard time not panicking this time. When I got up to the ring I saw Tandi, she was rubbing Vaseline on my face and headgear, and just thought "Warrior", Tandi is a warrior, she is watching and cornering, be a warrior, and suddenly I was.......

And Elena says....

2010-07-15T21:40:00.000-06:00

" Tara, you over react to everything! You changed everything too fast and so you ended up in the ER" and damn, she is right.

So now she is in charge of changing my diet to match my needs, and not all at once she says! It will throw my body into shock.

So the final goal is that I need about 5000mg of dietary salt per day, and 10000mg of dietary potassium.

For races I need 5000mg of salt per litter of fluid! Yikes! I said " Holy shit! That sounds disgusting" well, I didn't actually say shit there, I was just thinking it. Like is that more than Ocean water? But I said "OK, whatever, I don't care, if you say that is what I need then I will do it!" and then she says "That is why I like working with you, cause you will do it anyway!"

So then she said I could do 2000mg of actual salt in my water, and take the rest in Scaps. This means that if it is hot and I am running that I actually need probably 10000mg of sodium per hour! No wonder I about died on Bear last year. I was getting about 600-700mg per hour and thinking I was fine. Nope, I am not the normal person or body.

For now we are just doing salt intake, and potassium will come next, and I will stop over reacting, and start letting Dr. J and Elena be in charge of figuring out my intake.

Other recommendations.

Compression hose while running to keep the blood flowing out of my legs

Ice vest or instant Ice packs in my drop bags to somehow where and cool my body temp down. And probably take early start times until I figure this out, so I can survive and not die in the heat. This is not to get a head start on everyone and advantage, this is until I can figure out my bodies needs and reaction in the heat.

So, look for faster times coming up. This has been the issue the whole time. I knew there was no good reason I should not be increasing my race speed when my actual running speed has improved by 2-3 minutes per mile!

I need more salt and potassium then is humanly possible I think!

On the mend!

2010-07-15T00:31:00.000-06:00

Wow, OK, I will post more later. But this whole saga ended with me in the ER 2 times for IV fluids last week, and another day I was in my friends office, a CNM, for IV fluids. I slept for 4 days straight, thought I was going to die. I was taking a bunch of Adrenal gland supplements, and I still am, and finally Monday morning, I woke up feeling mostly better. I went and worked out for 90 minutes. I was tired, and rested a lot that day. Tuesday morning I felt bad for a while, but got on top of it, and ended up feeling great. By today, I was full swing! I have been working out harder this year, and seeing my running times fall because of this hydration issue.

Well, I don't think I realized how much energy I have been losing over all. Tonight, I just did a short 3 mile run with hill repeats. I was hitting a 5:40 mile downhill, with no effort it seemed, no lung or breathing problems, no energy problems. My body was in sync. So maybe I am not too bad of a runner after all! My times are much faster when I am all balanced out.

Thanks for the suggestion on Coconut water, I actually have been doing that, about 1 gallon of low-cal Gatorade (which I hate because of the dyes and artificial sweetener, but for some reason it is working better than anything else, and I need to keep my carb intake lower), Scaps, and water. This all seems to be working, and I think I am getting better, like really better, better than I was before I crashed. The crash started a year ago when I DNF'd Katcina. Now I am hopeful that I will be able to finish strong, and have a good chance of a sub 28 at Wasatch!

YAY! Let's hope this trend continues!

New one!

2010-07-08T01:48:00.000-06:00

Now I am actually seeing a lot of improvement and sleeping, however, I think my body is wacked out and suddenly I am having major blood sugar issues. I think this is a response to my Adrenals being out of wack, and maybe a sudden shift in fluids. I am now on a bunch of Adrenal supplements, but right now my body is not handling carbohydrates well at all, and my blood sugar is sky rocketing as a result. It does better with physical activity, but I tell you, this is a weird weird problem! I am now monitoring my glucose levels, and tracking everything. I had to educate my NP on this problem, and what it is and how it is treated, etc. Really not a lot of clinicians even know this problem exist, and my dietitian and Dr. J are out of town. They are the only two people I know that know anything about it, but I am glad my NP listens too me and doesn't blow me off, or have a huge ego!

I think my body is adjusting, and hoping my adrenals will heal now that I am sleeping, but I am having to be very careful and rest a lot, but also have normal physical activity, because it actually is helpful.

Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome and Running Issues, and Life Issues in General

2010-07-03T23:56:00.001-06:00

I decided to write this note because I have had a significant piece of information, that just made most of my life make sense. I decided to share what I have found out, because I am finding there are other people who have this same condition, who are never diagnosed correctly and end up like me just thinking all the symptoms are in your head.

The reason I decided to seek care is because increasingly over the last year I have had worsening symptoms, despite overall feeling much more conditioned and generally healthy. I feel like there is no reason why I should not have cut off an hour off of each of my courses I finished this year. Instead I had major problems on the Antelope Island 50 miler and finished having to walk the last 4 miles because I couldn't breathe, not because I couldn't run!

I did the Grand Canyon run, and did fine until it got hot, and then had some heat issues, the next day I was having fainting/lightheaded/ear ringing issues, that were only fixed by Gatorade, and more Gatorade.

I knew to take in Gatorade because The two races I DNF'd last year, especially after the Bear 100 DNF, I had the same issues and thought I was going crazy after waking up in the middle of the night!

I have been working with a Sports Nutritionist for almost a year now, trying to figure out these problems, and we are getting closer, but she cued in that I am getting very hyponatremic after these races, which is probably why I also was getting sick in the heat, and my times have been getting slower despite my running speed getting faster.

At the Squaw Peak 50- I ended up taking in 1500-2000mg of salt per hour, I mixed salt directly into my water because plain water just goes right through me. I felt better, I didn't die even though other people around me were because of the extreme heat that day. But I ended up making it to the cut off at mile 33 just 3 minutes to spare! Even though my times were faster at the beginning then the previous year, the heat slowed me down that despite the early start, I took more than 1:30 hours longer to complete that part of the course.

After that I sat for about 45 minutes to recover from pushing my time the last stretch in the heat, up the 3.2 mile sheep creek climb. I felt fine after resting, and started up with my speed again, until running across Marc and John and deciding to finish the course out with them, because the were both really dehydrated. Marc commented on me having the whole kitchen sink on me that day, and the fact is I have started carrying a lot more then I want to on my runs because it is saving my self. I need more salt then is almost humanly possible to take in.

Something just wasn't seeming right. Recently I started having major blood sugar issues during the day. I have problems in the heat, I get dizzy a lot especially during conditioning when we are doing exercises that go from laying or sitting to standing. I have breathing issues, anxiety like issues, and get sick to my stomach all the time, even when I am not working out.

I actually have had these issues my whole life, at least since i was 12, but I didn't know how to tell people what was wrong with me. I thought it was all in my head, but after some of the symptoms started interfering with my performance so much, I could no longer think they were just in my head anymore.

So I went to see Dr. Liz Joy, at the Madsen clinic at the U of U, and although she is still testing me, and I don't have a positive confirmation on my diagnosis until some labs are complete, she is 90% sure I have Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS). I had never heard of it before, and neither have most doctors. In fact if you do an EBSCO search you will be lucky to find 20 related articles. Elena had mentioned something about being tested for POTS at our last visit because I think the sodium issue is perplexing her. But I didn't know anything about it.

So I did some research on it, and suddenly my whole life is making sense. Like I thought I was crazy my whole life! I have been accused of being attention seeking for some of these symptoms, and so after that happened a couple of times, I learned how to control most of them. In fact many of the symptoms I have had in life, that I can't explain, I have just decided are in my head because everyone else told me they were.

So I am posting this, so that if you see this in yourself or kids, you may consider having them tested by someone who knows what they are talking about instead of living a life of being misdiagnosed, or even told they are making the symptoms up, or they are all psychosomatic. A lot of people suffer silently, like myself, because you get so used to compensating for the symptoms, and you are afraid to talk about them, and don't think they are real anymore.

Here is what is happening in the body: there are different forms of this syndrome, it is an idiocratic illness, which means it is correlated with different disorders, and many symptoms overlap, but it is a way of saying "we don't know why the hell you have this, we just know you do!"

Dr. J told me most people with this syndrome end up gravitating toward the things that help control the symptoms because they can't tell anyone what is wrong, and it is often misdiagnosed as a range of mental disorders because of the anxiety, depressive, and even bipolar like symptoms that it sometimes looks like, but does not quite fit. This is the story of my life, nothing quit fits!

Basically these are the symptoms I do have, and these are the symptoms I don't have.

75%-85% of people with this syndrome are blond-haired, blue eyed females, and between 15-50 years old. It may be hormonally related because many people notice an onset of symptoms around menarche. In my case, I believe menarche was the start of these symptoms.

The first thing I read is that many people who have this syndrome have some degree of hyperextensible joints. While There is a a wide range of severity Eh-lers-Danlos syndrome is one that is most associated, and it can come in mild to severe forms. I have hypermobility in my arms, knees, and also the tendons in my ankles. This can also lead to higher rates of injury and sprain. Interestingly, I used to twist my ankles all the time, however this has not been a problem the last two years, I believe because with ultrarunning, I have probably gained enough strength, that I have better control of these parts of my body

Second the connective tissue in the lower extremities may have more laxity and be more prone to venous pooling. While I do not have the most serious symptoms of Ehlers-Danlos syndrome the symptoms I do have are: loose unstable joints, hyperextension of some joints, easy bruising, and abnormal wound healing. I also have lower muscle tone despite training enough that I should be an elite athlete! Another condition I need to be tested for is osteopenia, or low bone-density, because it can be associated with this disorder, and I have a past history of an eating disorder on top of that. When I should have been making calcium deposits into my bones, I was probably losing bone mass! Yep, double whammy!

Third, associated with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome- nerve compression disorders, functional bowel disorders, and Premature Rupture of Membranes during pregnancy- I have not been diagnosed officially with the first two- but after my research I found out all the weird muscle and nerve sensations I have in my extremities, probably fit, as well as digestive issues. Oh, and with my first pregnancy, I had Premature Rupture of Membranes as well!

The second syndrome I found associated with POTS is Arnold-Chiari malformation- also comes in different severity of symptoms. Basically caused the brain not being profused correctly, or hypovulimia. The symptoms I have that fit this association :headaches aggravated by valsalva maneuvers (laughing, coughing, crying, sneezing, yawning), Tinnitus (ringing in the ears- not severe for me, comes and goes and happens more when I am low in sodium), Dizziness, nausea, muscle weakness, impaired gag reflex- I thought this was a side effect of years of bulimic symptoms, but it may be that i have just lost some ability to gag on my own because of this, dyspahgia (difficulty swallowing), Dyautomia (tachycardia, sycope), and polydipsia (extreme thirst), and hand weakness (comes and goes randomly for me, always thought it was odd)

The symptoms I do not have (thank goodness there are a few!) associated with these two are club foot, platelet aggregation (to my knowledge), vascular skin conditions, hearing loss, and swan-neck deformity of the fingers, also nystagmus, and I don't think I have sleep apnea. I don't think i have fibromyalgia, but I do have a lot of the symptoms associated with fibromyalgia. Other symptoms I think I have- neuropathy- weird almost burning sensations in my arms and legs like- icy burn, tingling, numbness, that I want to run out! Stress incontinence and constipation are also associated.

Gastritis- while again, never diagnosed yet, I have bloating, nausea, burning sensations in the upper abdomen, premature fullness, discomfort with fullness, generally lack a normal appetite. Also IBS symptoms.

For Chiari symptoms- I have pain, weakness, and numbness in the upper back, shoulders, arms, and hands. One symptom that I do not have is sometimes with this syndrome people can not feel cold, heat or pain in extremities- I have feeling, just nerve issues, and muscle burning that is not really pain but just a sense of an urgency to have to move and work out the sensation!

One other auto immune autonomic ganglionopathy is associated with POTS. I have lots of these symptoms, but I don't know if this is one of the ones the lab is testing right now- severe orthostatic hypotension, syncope, constipation, urinary retention (my urologist says i am an enigma! After voiding, they can usually find 4-8 more cups of urine to drain out), dry moth and eyes. I do not have fixed and dilated pupils that is a possible symptom

"thoracic Hypovulemia- a person can either just not have enough blood volume, or in this case I may have normal blood volume, but vasodiatation that is too high, and not allowing pool to effectively circulate, or reduced stroke volume, especially in exercise- This can lead to low sodium levels, low profusion to the brain (which I am almost sure I have now! I will say why in a minute), and symptoms can worsen with heat and exercise, but running actually helps because you are moving blood out of your legs! my heart rate has gone abnormally high in the past with very little exercise and being conditioned, however, long distance running has improved this symptom.

Additionally- strange symptoms i have- I wake up feeling flu like every morning, until I get out of bed and move for about 15-20 minutes, then It goes away, I have feelings of anxiety when my brain actually is pretty calm, but the hypofusion to the brain can cause this, confusion and feeling disconnected from the world- mostly this happens with long period of standing still, or walking too slowly. I naturally move a lot when standing and talking in front of a group, and I always wondered why after being at Walmart I started feeling sick, disconnected, irritated, confused a bit, and just strange... it is because Walmart is a huge store, I am standing and walking slow for a lot longer than in other stores. This is why I hate being at Walmart! Now I know why, among other reasons :) It doesn't happen when running or brisk walking because my blood is being pumped out of my legs!

Insomnia- it has gotten very bad, but after talking to Dr. Joy and increasing my dietary salt intake to very high amounts I am actually getting some sleep for the first time in forever!

So because the brain is sometimes being hypofused many people can't get out of bed. There are a lot of symptoms like- loss of mental stamina, cold extremities, brain fog, and psychological burnout that are associated with POTS, and because some of the symptoms look like anxiety, and depression it is misdiagnosed. It can feel like a panic attack, and your mind may actually be calm. I always thought it strange to have panicky feelings, but also feel calm in my head. I have had anxiety around not being able to explain the symptoms.

Also, I am smart, and I remember things, but I can not always recall sequential events of my life history verbally without first writing it down and having something to look at. Like I forget large events such as surgery, when I am asked, until I think about it later. Like it would have been nice to tell Dr. Joy about the one outpatient surgery I had to clean out a staff infection in my knee.

I didn't realize until now, that it was probably significantly associated with POTS. I asked for them to give me an epidural for the surgery to clean out an infection in my knee because I wanted to watch (I know sick!). After that experience, I was grateful that I had natural births!

I started panicking (or it appeared like a panic attack) and having breathing difficulty as soon as the medicine went in my back. They sedated me, but after the procedure, I woke up in the operating room and looked at the blood pressure monitor and saw 75/15, the nurse saw my worried look and said "that's not right!" and I passed out again, and woke up a couple of hours later.

The next few days I had breathing problems, and panic like reactions that i could not explain. I believe now, it was related to the medication causing severe hypovulemia, and I was actually experiencing such low blood profusion, that my brain was not being oxygenated correctly.

I also can not take medications that I now realize probably the reason, is because I experience too much vasodialation, and low blood profusion.

The medication that i have found that works, works right away, or not at all. People have thought I was crazy, but the reason is that the medications are increasing my orthostatic pressure, which allow me to stand up and not lose energy throughout the day, instead of the things they are normally used to treat!

I won't go into my whole life, but throughout my life I have had these strange sensations, and panic-like reactions, and now that I think about it usually happened after being out in the heat, probably drinking water but not enough salt, and more often while on the lake or doing water activities, to amplify the sodium loss! People thought I was doing it for attention, or having a panic attack. It was neither! I was likely very hyponatremic, and have since learned that always adding salt to my water, prevents this, and minimizes the panic feelings.

The most effective treatments are salt, exercise, caffeine, water, and stress management. Interesting that i have been intuitively drawn to all these things, and I can't tell people why I like running, I just do, but there is probably a physiological reason why.... My body is actually running better while I am running! I actually think more clearly, more creatively, and get a lot of my ideas while I am on a run. I have more spiritual moments while running. I have too much anxiety sitting because of this reaction, and it is hard for me to feel grounded while sitting in a church, or classroom. I feel more spiritually connected while running in the mountains, and partially probably because my brain is just working better and able to relax.

So I just wanted to write this, because I have been invalidated, and even harmed in some cases, from people not understanding my symptoms. I believe it may be a large factor in having struggled with an eating disorder for so long. Even after I talked to Dr. Joy, people who have no knowledge of my history, started telling me I must have the wrong diagnosis, and I should not trust this Dr.! Why? Everything she said made sense, no one else in my life has given me a diagnosis that makes sense. I have tried to fit myself into differential diagnosis, that don't seem quite right. This one fits! And almost too much!

I never looked into it before I researched this but I have all the symptoms of restless leg syndrome, feelings of fear, even when I am not afraid, feeling separate from everyone- none of these were a psychological disorder, they are all associated with low blood volume, and low sodium balance, but everyone wants to put you into a mental diagnosis, and so you actually do start having anxiety because of it!

So now I am figuring out the sodium issue, and having better running experiences, I hope I can continue to find things to improve the symptoms, and get back to being able to perform and improve at the level I want to. But now you know, my drive to run is probably actually preserving my ability to function, because it would be hard for me to get out of bed otherwise. Managing the symptoms usually keeps them from getting worse, offers improvement, and sometimes gets rid of them. Although, with my history, they are unlikely to all disappear, but at least be manageable with the proper treatments.

The biggest one, is I do have to take more daily sodium in than I thought was humanly acceptable! Forget low-sodium diets! I can't get enough basically. I have to talk more with Elena about it still, she is on vacation, but for now, I am doing over 5000mg per day and adding an additional 1000-2000mg for every hour I exercise, especially in the heat. I am doing heat training carefully to improve my ability to run in the heat, and also figure out more specifically how to manage my need to drink salt water, and in what concentration! In general, I am finding I need to have some electrolytes in my water all the time, or water by itself is dehydrating, and makes the symptoms worse!

So bring on the salty food baby!

POTS and salt intake! May cure my problem!

2010-07-01T09:52:00.002-06:00

I took 800mg of Scaps and gatorade before bed last night, and that was the first time I have slept through the night for about a month!

All these symptoms I have that are probably related:

I wake up feeling like I have the flu every morning and feel horrible until I make myself get out of bed, and then it goes away after 20 minutes

Breathing problems that come on with heat and activity

recently hypoglycemia

feeling like I have a panic attack that last for 2 weeks

insomnia

anxiety that doesn't seem related to anything, and comes on randomly

heat issues with exercise

sodium absorption issues.

and even the two medications that seem to be the only things that help- Aderral and Welbutrin, are sometimes used to relieve the symptoms of this condition. I have always told people anti-depressants work differently with me, and either they work right away and make a difference, or the don't work at all. No one believes me. But if they are working with this condition, it makes sense because it is effecting my othrostatic pressure, and it is that, not the anti-depressant mechanism that is making them work.

POTS

2010-06-30T23:58:00.000-06:00

Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome

This is what Dr. J thinks I have which would explain why I can't seem to stay hydrated, and need abnormal amounts of salt, the hypoglycemia I seem to be having, general fatigue and insomnia, and anxiety, concentration, and other issues.

Treatment: more salt, exercise, and caffeine

Geez, everything I am already doing! I hope we can figure this out. I am getting annoyed by it. But I am reading things about it being debilitating, and I am not debilitated, probably because of my lifestyle, but it is seeming to make my long runs difficult because one of the symptoms is that I don't do well at all in the heat right now. She took about 10 vials of blood today, but I guess I am increasing my daily salt intake even more. We will see if that helps. I need some help, so I can do the rest of my races this year without dying!

Can I do sub 28 at Watach?

2010-06-29T00:53:00.000-06:00

I have been discouraged this year because I have had so many problems with heat, hydration, hyponatremia that it has slowed my speed down. However, at least I haven't had to drop like I did two races last year, because I am figuring some things out. So I am getting more serious with my dedication to heat and hill training now. Plus, I am doing personal training 2 times per week, and boxing.

My second issue, is I seem to be having strange blood sugar issues. I am seeing Dr. J tomorrow, and hoping she has some answers that will help me fix some of these things. But I am kind of hitting myself in the head today wondering if my years of disordered eating habits are just now showing up. I take pretty good care of myself, but it is frustrating when you have health issues you know you did to yourself, and you start blaming yourself for being such a nimkumpoop for so many years. I know I would never be as hard to anyone else because it is a lot more complex than that, but damn, I can honestly say I wish I had never gone there. I know there are a lot of reasons why it wasn't my fault that I ended up there, but it is still hard to not be hard on yourself.

All I can say, is I am glad I am not there now, and I hope I can figure this out, so that I can kill Wasatch. I would love to hit a sub 28 for my first 100, and actually make a time goal for once this year!

WS100 New Record!!

2010-06-26T21:53:00.001-06:00

Wow! Can I just say Wow! I really don't care about the world cup! (sorry soccer fans), but my eyes have been glued to the computer for the last few hours "watching" the progress on the Western States 100! Geoff Roes, once again, amazing slayer of CRs! He beat Scott Jurak's previous 2004 record by nearly 30 minutes, coming in at 15:07:04! And then Tony, holy shit! Only a few minutes behind Geoff, coming in at 15:13, still over 20 minutes under the old CR!

I am just continuing to be amazed by this guy, and I also have met him. He is a humble Alaska boy, that just came out of nowhere and started winning! I manned the aid station at the finish line at the Wasatch 100 last year. He took Karl's old CR by close to an hour, and then Karl also beat his old CR but came in 25 minutes after Geoff. That was the most amazing thing to see. An hour after Geoff finishes, his pacer stumbles in looking more beat up then Geoff.

Two weeks later, at the Bear 100, he sets the record for the new course. I DNF'd at mile 45 of Bear. This year I am running Wasatch, and if I can work my school stuff out Bear, but Bear I may have to drop if my course load and other things I have make it so missing my class is not an option. I will be sad, but I am at least doing Wasatch!

Congrates to Tracy Garneau 19:01 the female winner. After the website mistakenly had her as dropping the race she apparently did not and one! 5 more hours and this race is done.

I also want to know what is up with Hal, he has dropped to 16th.

Exciting race!

A deviation- About me

2010-06-23T23:55:00.000-06:00

What the hell, I stole this from Shelly, cause it was fun reading hers, I need a break from technical writing
1 My earliest memory is ...
I was at my Great-grandma's house in Park City. I remember all the ash-trays in her house she was a chain-smoker. I liked to play with the ashtrays. I remember her babysitting us, and she would always make peanut butter cookies because my dad loved her peanut butter cookies. Alice Mills was her name.

2 My school report usually said ...
I wanted my teachers to approve of me, but I went through phases. I always had mostly As until my last year of highschool, then I was in this shitty place with ED and had a therapist that should go to hell.

3 When I was a child I wanted to work for ...
I wanted to be an Air-force pilot

4 My worst job ever was ...
Working at the "Malt Shop" in Ephraim Utah. The owner was psycho!
5 My first romance ...
umm, I don't know. I had little romances growing up, but they never lasted long. I would say my husband is the person I really fell in love with. We are going on 14 years. We actually met 14 years ago on the 4th of July

6 My most treasured possession is ...
My kids

7 My mother always told me ...
"Never say never", " I will see you next year at 2 o'clock", "You can pick your nose and you can pick your friends, but you can't wipe your friends on the couch", " You can never get there, you will always be here", yeah, now you wonder why I am strange! She can also belch the alphabet forward and backward in one breath/belch.

8 I've never been any good at ...
Focusing on just one thing

9 If my life were made into a movie I'd be played by ...
Helen Hunt

10 I wish I had ...
Speed, as in I could run faster

11 I wish I hadn't ...
lost so much time to letting other people control my life, and living in self-destructive behavior, life is a lot better when you love yourself!

12 My guiltiest pleasure is ...
I don't know, why should I feel guilty about it? If I want to do it, I do it, and I don't feel guilty. I am done with guilty!

13 My best trait is ...
I'm honest and direct, and a bit of a smart-ass

14 My worst trait is ...
I obsess about a lot of things

15 The book that changed my life was ...
"Born to Run" Chris McDougall

16 It's not fashionable but I love ...
going everywhere I can barefoot as much as possible, despite the fact that my feet, that were once pretty, are now pretty ugly because of all my running adventures

17 If I could live anywhere I'd choose ...
Escalante Utah, damn, I love the wilderness there!

18 I'm happiest when ...
am running in obscure places

19 My #1 all-time celebrity crush is ...
John Wayne, yeah I know, he is a dead fat man, but I just love old Westerns.

20 My #1 all-time favourite movie is ...
"Twister" with Helen Hunt...... my favorite line "Can I drive?" as they are fighting "No!", "Then would you!" Or "Sense and Sensibility" - " If you can't say anything agreeable, you will kindly limit your remarks to the weather!"

21 I really dislike ...
bananas! Seriously, I hate it when people bring them to class, the smell gives me a panic attack and automatic gag response!

22 I often wonder ...
about a lot, that is the problem, I am interested in too many things

Congratulations to Lisa Batchen-Smith 2500 miles in 62 days!

2010-06-20T08:14:00.000-06:00

A week of amazing athletes and courage from the Western Region!

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/video/video.php?v=1508012141721

Congratulations to Lisa Smith-Batchen and Sister Mary on there last day for Running Hope Through America. They ran in her home state Teton Valley in Idaho 50 miles in their 50th state, in 62 days! The guys standing behind Lisa are my friends Jarom and Heath Thurston, two great guys who helped organized the run her in Utah when Lisa was here on June 7th. It was 2 days after Squaw Peak, my sister had had a baby that morning (I was her midwife), and I had a class, but I still managed to get to the park in time to run the last 4 miles with Lisa, and then I caught a ride with Jarom back down to Utah County because I had been too tired to drive up to class and Jeff had to bring me to school that day.

It was great to get to hear more of their journey as we took them to Dayne's house to clean up, and then drove them to the airport! What a neat couple of ladies! I feel blessed to have been able to catch that little end of the run with them! What an amazing accomplishment 2500 miles in 62 days!

Court McGee, the next Ultimate Fighter Champion!!!! From Orem, Utah!!

2010-06-19T22:36:00.002-06:00

Court "The Crusher" McGee, and Kris "The Savage" McKray!

We take this deviation from running to talk about UFC!!! The gym was buzzing all week, as Court made it past the semifinals to fight for a 6 figure contract in the UFC. Our very own Court from Orem Utah. Court cornered me in my first fight. He has overcome some significant challenges in life, and he is one of those people who is humble, but good at what he does and confident.

He trains at RIVEN , the Academy, where I train, and he teaches MMA classes. He is precise and has a strong wresting background. He had one controversial split decision loss, and thought his chance at a UFC contract was over, but then he came back, and dominated! His fight record 10-1 against Kris 6-0. Court dominated the first round by maneuvering himself for several take downs, and kept himself on top when they hit the ground. He obviously had the first round.

And then the second round, he had the same story, but with just over two minutes left, threw Kris against the cage, and won by submission! Total Crusher! Wow! The gym was roaring, and Court was in tears as he stated " I want to dedicate this fight to anyone who is struggling tonight!" And what an example, makes me want to get off my lazy ass and train! I mean really put everything into it, except I have to finish grad school. But wow! I am elated, and I didn't even fight! Go Court, you are the man!!!!

Read about Court, and his triumph over substance abuse :http://www.ufc.com/index.cfm?fa=news.detail&gid=83019

Inspirational guy!!

And here is a write up of his win!
http://www.ufc.com/index.cfm?fa=news.detail&gid=83095

A night on the town

2010-06-19T01:48:00.000-06:00

Tonight I went to a birthday party for a friend from SPEAK (students promoting eating disorder awareness and knowledge group at the U of U). I found it really funny that it was mostly made up of people recovering, recovered, or having something to do with eating disorders, probably most of us suffering from major anxiety issues, and the name of the joint "Fat's Bar and Grill". Ok, it was a good place, and good food. But I am still laughing about it, laughing because I am having some major anxiety issues this week about some things, and I ended up there.

I am having some breathing problems when I run this week, and I hope I am not getting exercise induced asthma! I think it may be just still recovering from Squaw Peak, but damn, it is annoying! I have had it ever since Squaw Peak.

Salty Blood?

2010-06-14T23:08:00.001-06:00

Or lack there of. I actually really like my dietitian ever since we got past the "Ultrarunning is normal" argument :) Or something like that. I like going in and talking about race nutrition, because it is helping me a lot. However, I am astounded at learning how much sodium my body requires especially when it is hot. I did about 1500mg in the hottest part of the day at Squaw Peak, and still managed to gain 9 lbs of water weight. Elena is telling me this is because I am still hyponatremic, and with the symptoms post race I was having she is right. They were much better than previous races, but I am looking having to increase my intake to 2000mg per hour in hot weather, and replace 2000-5000mg of sodium within an hour of the race, plus continue taking scaps at high amounts for 3 days post race, so that my body is not stressed out by lack of fluid. She is also requesting that I get an electrolyte panel after an event that I feel wiped out at. I am going in to see Dr. Joy in two weeks, I am learning a lot that I never knew about sports and nutrition, and that it really does impact performance!

Last year at Bear and Katcina Mosa, not only did I not intake enough water (probably half of my hourly needs because I believed misinformation that the body only can absorb 24oz per hour) I also was probably getting 1/4-1/3 of my hourly sodium needs. This almost landed me in the ER 3-4 hours after Bear, when I woke up so hyponatremic that I was panicky, dizzy, nauseated, disoriented, and delusional. My husband having me gulp down over 32 oz of Gatorade in one sitting is what helped.

I am learning a lot of vital information that can mean the difference between a good race, a finish, and a DNF, or even a medical emergency. It has been well worth investing into good nutritional counseling with someone who really knows what they are talking about!

What do I do besides run?

2010-06-14T00:51:00.000-06:00

So Friday, I got together a bunch of my friends, and we did a Blessingway ceremony. What is a Blessingway? It is really a stolen Navajo tradition of the major diety, Changing Woman, who represents change and the ceremony is done to honor a families new hogan, a mother as she prepares for birth, or other major life changing events.

However, to not disrespect a culture that I do not have permission to practice their ceremonies, I will say that in the midwife tradition, a Blessingway is done to honor women. Many times we do it for new mothers, but in my little circle of friends we started doing it a few years ago and every once in a while revisit the ceremony to honor ourselves as woman, and the work that we do in promoting social justice and change. It actually started on my 30th birthday, when I held a burning for my eating disordered clothing and persona. After the burning, I held a Blessingway to honor the changing woman in myself and my friends.

So when my friend Becky opened her new birth center last month, Cheryl and I got the ball rolling for our new program, and various other friends of mine whom I saw as being in the role of Changing Woman at this time all came to my attention, I decided it was time for another Blessingway. It was good timing too. I had spent the week at a summer institute class on systems of sexual abuse. A very good class, that presented a balance look at offender and victim treatment, but also somewhat of a triggering class, that left me angry a couple of days, and I will admit struggling a bit with my own distorted thoughts. But I got through it. I was pissed on the way home Friday, the stupid downpour of rain combined with traffic made me late to get back to Utah county to pick up my friends who were coming up with me.

Cheryl, my friend Kat, and my new apprentice, Kendra, plus Kendra's 7 year old, Raven, and myself, all piled into my car, and we drove up to the birth center to meet Becky, Adriana, Marcie, and Marcie's daughter. We told our usual hilarious, and somewhat grusome birth stories, had some good laughs, and then had a good ceremony that I had written the day before while trying to tune out some of the stories that a therapist was telling of different offenders accounts. I have heard worse stories, but lets face it, abuse is just not fun to listen to , and I will listen to it if it is people i am working with, but I don't need to keep random stories in my head of bad things I don't need to hear more often then I already do.

We started by smudging the whole birthcenter with some white sage I had bought at the Native American Trading Post in West Valley the day before. Then we stated our intentions as we little red candles around the room. After stating and supporting our intentions we closed the circle, and then we wrote down what we wished to release in our lives and put the paper in the burning bowl. After that we bound our wrists with a red cord to honor our sisterhood, and remember to take our bond and empower other women through our work in our lives, and then we all shared beads we had brought to represent ourselves. We cut the cord, which then became the string to make bracelets with our shared beads, and went out and burned the contents of the burning bowl, which was actually a turtle shell because Becky's bowl had broken.

After the ceremony we had a feast, and talked and laughed and decorated ourselves with henna. The common theme I kept hearing was that we are all a few misfits who don't fit into the Utah culture, and it seemed that everyone really needed that community connection of unconditional acceptance and openmindedness to hear different beliefs and points of view in the world. I think it was a healing night for everyone, and I feel like it was great timing for me. I needed that connection.

I went outside to collect my turtle shell I had left out to cool down, and caught a guy throwing it in a trash can. I politely asked him why the hell he was moving my turtle shell, to which he replied he thought it was trash. I found out he was the building manager and he gave me a line about any fire at all being against building code, and a bunch of crap. (Like burning scraps of paper, in a turtle shell, in a downpour, on concrete is going to burn down a building? And what was he doing there at 10pm on a Friday?)

At any rate, I rescued my turtle shell, and we had a great night, and I was happy to connect with some friends I hadn't seen in a while who share common views in life, and to introduce some people to each other who had never met. It is great to have things like this to connect with other women, and what a great way to welcome the new center and wish success on it, and for the metaphor it offers to Changing life, and Changing Woman! We could all use a little Changing Woman.

I have had a lot of things going on, including having to change my practicum for next year, and now I am probably looking at holding all of our meetings for our new treatment groups in Salt Lake, which I am fine with. More the reason to give me hope that after graduation, I might have a reason to move outside of Utah County! I really would rather live in Salt Lake County.

I did a random thing last week, and decided I need to reign in my thoughts and anxiety issues, and connected with a therapist I haven't seen in like 14 years. I really am pretty much a stable person, but feel like i have to maintain my anxiety level, and having an outside person that I am doing nothing else with professionally, would be helpful. I specifically decided to start working with her again because I don't want to work with someone that has anything to do with EDs, I want to only work on meditative and mindfullness things that I know how to do, but it is easier to do when I am accountable to someone. So we will see how this goes. It is kind of a strange feeling actually, I was a way different person at 17-19 years of age. But I guess we will see how it goes. I am really pretty stable in life, but I have to keep my anxiety in check, or my thoughts get out of control.

Now I am off for the summer, and waiting on 2 more June babies, and then I am going to do a desert hike in July, pace/crew at Badwater, and get ready for some fall races. Wasatch 100, getting closer all the time!

Goodnight, I am turning into a pumpkin.

Logo

2010-06-09T23:42:00.001-06:00

Wahoo! Just had to show off our new logo!

Squaw Peak 50- 2010

2010-06-06T09:44:00.001-06:00

Well, that was probably the most interesting race I have ever had. I had debated back and forth whether or not to take the early start. If you are expected to finish the course in over 15 hours you have the option of starting the race 1 hour early to give you extra time to make the cut off at Little Valley by 2:30pm. Last year I started with everyone on time, and made the cutoff by 45minutes, my time after that was slower going up Windy Pass, and I ended up finishing in 16:12.

I thought I would be much faster this year. I have been working on my core muscle strength and am a lot fast up the hills, however, the snow reports said there was quite a bit of snow, and I wasn’t sure how I would do on snow, so in the end I chose to take the 4am start just in case. I was a lot faster going up all the way to camel pass, and I was fairly quick going down to Hobble Creak, but once the sun came out it got hot very quickly, and I must have slowed down a lot. Many other people did as well; it was not a good day for the heat!

I have been working with Elena to figure out some of my energy problems during race events, and the biggest thing we figured out is that I need a LOT of salt. The minimum amount I need when it is not hot is 750mg per hour, and if it is very hot 1500mg per hour is sometimes what I need. I have been getting hyponatremic and this messes with my carbohydrate absorption and dehydrates me, even when I am hydrating. In fact, I end up retaining a ton of water, and have breathing problems in some events as a result.

So this time I was prepared to hydrate, fuel, and salt myself properly. I end up deciding to carry 72 oz of water on my back because I have such specific hydration and fueling needs, that in order to stay at an optimum performance level, I have to have all my stuff with me between aid stations.

This worked well, and the only problems I had were the heat. I don’t handle heat well, and need to do more training in the heat! But because my electrolytes were OK, I handled the heat better than I have in the past, and I did have to stop a few times to sit in the shade and cool my body temperature down.

I felt like I was moving pretty fast, and so I was disappointed when I got to the Sheep Creek aid station and discovered that even with starting an hour early, I was going to be racing the cut off! I had 1 hour to go 3.5 miles up Sheep Creek Canyon! It would be tough, but doable on a good day, but in that heat, it would be a push! But I did not want a DNF, so I pushed, and arrived at Little Valley at 2:29, one minute before the cut off! Once I hit the last downhill, I ran as hard as I could. I checked into the aid station, checked out, and the walked up the trail for a few minutes to stop and recover.

Quite a few others had done the same thing it was so hot, there were a lot of us pushing the cut off, and leaving the aid station and then recovering a bit up the trail. There is no final cut off, you just have to reach Little Valley by 2:30 and be out by 2:45.

Pushing it in the heat wiped me out, and the last 16.4 miles of the course are not just a mere 16 miles! You have a 6-mile ascend, in the heat to the dreaded Bozung Hill, where you gain about 1500 ft in 1 mile. Most years we skirt around Windy Pass, but this year there was too much snow, which means you have to summit the mountain, and add about 1 mile to the course. I had to sit for a while and to recover, and then I was moving slow because I felt like I was going to fall asleep! I just needed to close my eyes. By that point, everyone else had passed me because I had taken so much time to recover, and the sweep came upon me. I explained I was taking a 5-10 minute nap and then I would move much faster.

That was all I needed, I closed my eyes, and then five minutes later felt awake, and I started running uphill. I felt great, and thought I would be pushing to still hit under 15 hours, but could maybe get under the 16-hour mark. But as I started winding up the mountain I came across Marc Colman and John Wojciechowski, who were seriously dehydrated and hyponatremic. They were both looking really bad, and trying to help each other up the hill, and quite a sad site to see! I decided two guys who were puking every 10 feet taking care of each other didn’t seem like good idea, I was going to have to push hard at that point to make under 16 anyway, so I told Marc that I was just going to hang back and finish the course with them. This was about mile 35.

Gave Marc one of my pulls, and tried to find some form of electrolyte he could keep down, and was glad I had over prepared for myself, and had a lo of stuff with me. At that point, the extra weight was with me. We slowly made our way toward the hill, stopping every few feet so that they could recover and not over do it. Once we hit the hill we had to stop more often, and it took us about 3 hours to get up that hill, with John throwing up right and left. I was seriously worried about him. But we tried to make the best of it with good conversation and joking, and by that point the sweeps had caught up with us, and all five off us slowly made our way to the aid station. We got into the aid station about 7:45 pm.

After resting a little and getting some fluids, we decided to try to make it down as far as we could while it was still light. At that point, we weren’t dealing with the heat, and so Marc and John were able to move faster. We booked it down pretty quickly, and only needed our lights for about the last 2 miles from the parking lot. My legs and energy were great, but my feet were not! There had been a lot of mud from the melting snow, and my feet were wet most of the last half of the course. The top of Wind Pass is full of rocks, so between wet feet and rocks, I could tell I was developing some large blisters on the bottom of my feet.

I was fine going down the trail except for some rocky patches, and then I was dealing with horrible pain on the bottom of my feet! But I suffered through it and ran down to the aid station, where Marc’s and John’s wives’ were very happy to see them, and Marcs wife took all of our gear so we wouldn’t have to carry it down the road the last 4 miles to the finish line. John looked like he was starting to feel worse again, and all of us were happy to be almost done!

We left the Big Springs aid station about 20:20, and made it to the finish about 23:18. As we turned the corner to the finish chute, we lined up side by side, and ran the last 100 yards and crossed the finish line together. Finishing had been a group effort, and we had pushed each other through the end.

Marc and John got some much-needed IVs, and I was tired at that point. I had been out on the trail for over 18 hours, and awake since 3 am that morning. I also had been with laboring clients half the week, and had not had a lot of sleep, so my body was ready to shot down at that point.

The blisters on my feet were so big, I got sick to my stomach trying to walk on them, and so I had to ask some one to drive me around to my car. I got home, and my hips were sore from pushing down from Windy Pass, and I couldn’t bare to look at my feet! Ouch! I thought I would never walk again normally! But during the night my hip pain went away, and my blisters have shrunk in size enough that I can hobble around!

That will probably go down as the most memorable Squaw Peak in my book, and I made some good friends in the process.

I should mention that both Marc and John and experienced runners, and John has had 9 Wasatch 100 finishes. Bad days can happen to anyone, no matter how experienced you are. I wish them speedy recovery, and had a good time getting to know them better.

Training for ????

2010-05-31T11:27:00.001-06:00

Conversation of the day. A few minutes ago I was reading Karl Meltzer's running blog, and his explanation of his broken radius. Reading about the Speedgoat 50k and how tough of a course it is, of course got me interested. So I jokingly said to Jeff " I think I am going to run it, a week before Katcina Mosa ( a really tough 100K)! The Speedgoat has about 11,000 of elevation gain, Katcina has about 12,000 ft. I said I thought it would be a great training run for..... he cuts me off " Everything is a training run for something! What are you training for that is not a training run!"

"But think about it, I could run the two back to back and it would be great training for Wasatch in September!" and then he ask " What is Wasatch a training run for?"..... "It is training for Hardrock!"...... " What is Hardrock training for?".... I think about it for a minute "Hell!!" I said!

So then of course I had to sign up for it, and my rational is that if I can do those two tough courses 7 days apart, I will be more ready to run Wasatch 100 and Bear 100 14 days apart! See, it is perfectly logical..haha

So my current "training" schedule for the year is as follows:

Squaw Peak June 5th
Hiking down in Grand-Staircase Escalante July 2-5
Pacing and Crewing Badwater July 11thish or around there
Speedgoat 50k July 31st
Katcina Mosa 100K August 7th
Wasatch 100 mile endurance run- September 10-11
Bear 100- September 24-25
Ogden Valley 50m Last weekend of October

and I am considering running a new 100K on Antelope Island in November if Jim Skaggs puts it on for sure.

Windy Pass

2010-05-30T21:32:00.000-06:00

So today Jeff turned 36, 4 years away from 40. That is a little bit freaking me out cause I don't feel like we are getting older. In fact we are probably more active and extreme then we were when we got married. It has been almost 14 years ago that we met. Strange.

So yesterday we went to the Utah Symphony, and it was good, but damn, I hate sitting for long periods of time! So it felt like a message today to go for a 8.5 mile run up part of the Squaw Peak 50 course! We ran from the Big Springs parking lot up toward Windy Pass. I wanted to get a feel for how the snow was going to be this year. I was hearing report of anywhere from 5 to 10 miles! I wanted to go all the way up to the pass, but I was running out of time today, so we only got about 4.25 miles up from the parking lot, about 1.75 short of the top. We started up the snow fields, which were big and slick starting past Shingle Mill, and it was just going to take too long to get up and down it, for the amount of time we had before we needed to be back. Bummer :(

But the trail up to Shingle Mill, is wayyyy better then last year! It is mostly smooth, and not rutty, and not as rocky! It was nice. On the way back down Jeff almost ran into a big bull moose! That was exciting! Luckily we didn't pull a Meltzer and have a moose start running after us! Also I figured out how to make the SD card work in my GoPro Hero camera, a little micro running camera that I bought for R2R2R, but the SD card wouldn't work! Then I looked online and figured out how stupid I was! I was not pushing the card in far enough to lock it into place.

It takes OK pictures, but you have to be close and still to hear and see the video. But I am taking it on Squaw Peak with me next week! I felt encouraged that I did not get sick in the heat. Elena told me I am probably getting hyponatremic. I thought I only needed between 300-500 mg per hour, and it turns out that I really need about 971mg per hour. This probably is the cause of my energy problems, absorption problems, and I am dehydrating by retaining water but not utilizing it, which also is probably messing with my carb absorption. Today I took 6 Scaps (about 2000mg) and desolved them into a 72 once bladder. I did not get sick, I felt fine in the heat, and I was moving a lot faster up and down hills! And I did not replace carbs at a high rate, so I am thinking that electrolyte imbalance is my main problem. This would probably also explain why I get breathing problems and feel like I have fluid in my lungs during the last part of a lot of races. The fluid is storing in my tissues, which means in my lungs, and it is horrible!

So next week, to avoid any problems, I plan on carrying my 72 oz of water, and desolving Scaps into it. It seems to work well, and I think I absorb them better directly in my fluids! Elena is a genius! I hope this shows in my time for Squaw Peak! Today I was strong and felt like killing the course!

Snow On the Mountain

2010-05-25T23:31:00.000-06:00

I am dead tired! I should be in bed, but I have too much work to do. I am panicking over how this month is going to work. 4 people due in the next 3 weeks, research to catch up on, programing and marketing material to get done, and I am hoping for a good time at Squaw Peak next weekend. The only problem is,,,,, THERE IS SNOW HALF WAY DOWN THE MOUNTAIN!!!! I don't care what some people think about people who use poles on courses! I am using poles from Little Valley to Big Springs! Seriously, Bozung hill is going to be like downhill skiing up a technical run! I am trying not to think about it. I am just going to move fast, and if I puke, I will puke up the hill and keep moving fast! I am determined to make under 14 hours this year! I want to do it so I am more confident about my ability to finish Wasatch and Bear this year! I don't want to be a wanna-be cool ultrarunner! I want to be a 100-mile respectible time, finisher.

I am working my ass off. I am training privately 2-times per week, going to boxing classes as much as I can during the week. This helps my speed in running believe it or not! I am upping my milage.

But this week I am frustrated, because I have too much to do. And have these clients who can't decide if they are in labor or not. It is not her fault, she is probably more frustrated. I am not the pregnant one! But man, I have so much to do, I am afraid of not being able to get it all done. It is causing me major anxiety issues this week.

I made an appointment to see Dr. Elizabeth Joy yesterday, I can't get in until June 30th because she is out of town, but she specializes in sports medicine and eating disorders. Even though I have been behavior free for a while, I still have some digestive issues from a long-term eating disorder. So I am going to go see if she can offer me any tips on increasing my performance level, gut absorption, and correct some energy issues as well.

If I would have been directed to Dr. Joy and Elena when I was really disordered, I might not have as many problems now! I am a bit resentful at not being told there were these resources when I was struggling a lot, when I had even asked about them! My first dietitian was a bitch, seriously. She hated that I ran, and told me that yoga was the only acceptable form of exercise for people recovering from eating disorders. Now I am as recovered I think as I could be, even though I think I will probably always fight the eating disordered thoughts when my anxiety level is high, but I am recovered enough to ingore them, I do not identify myself with an eating disorder, and i have better things in my life that make it not worth wasting time listening to ED thoughts. For me this is the definition of recovered. It does not mean I am totally free from the long term psychological effects and physical effects that may linger, but it does mean I don't have a lot to "gain" from wasting time on an eating disorder. Running is more important to me, and I respect and appreciate my bodies ability to run. So I want to take care of it the best I can, and not do further damage to my bones, GI tract, stomach, and other organs. It already causes me to have more problems with energy, and having to be much more careful then most people around me to be particular on getting a high amount of calories, sodium, and carbs, at closer intervals, then I think I would other wise have. So this is why I am going to see Dr. Joy.

I wish I could see her before Squaw Peak, but Elena has been working with me more specifically on nutrition planning for specific courses. This is very helpful! It also reinforces the value of nutrition and taking care of my body in my head, and reinforces staying recovered.

One thing I noticed about the word recovered, is that people are sometimes too black and white with it. I have gone back and forth myself on whether I should say recovered, or in recovery. But lately, I have decided to say recovered, because I have so many things in my life that detour me from wanting to give in to ED thoughts or "cravings" that I can't really imagine going back to that life. Even if I were to have a slip-up at this point, I am open and honest enough with myself and others, that I really doubt I could be in a place to support myself having an eating disorder. So now, I say recovered, but I am still cautious about my thoughts, especially when my anxiety flares up, and I start panicking about everything in my head.

I really wish Oprah would focus on this shit, instead of people inside of their illness! Oprah, you suck!

Crazy Racing and Weather weekend

2010-05-22T12:32:00.000-06:00

So I must say, 4 days in a classroom from 8-5 is mentally and physically and emotionally draining! Seriously, it was a good conference, just four days in a row was too much! Four days of talking about eating disorders, I got done Thursday night and didn't want to hear the word eating disorder again. I am over it now :) But I was tired! I had been having to get up and leave for Salt Lake at 5am every morning, I had gotten home everynight and was having to push to get our website up enough to look like a real business. And really, I was tired! Plus I have been having some major anxiety issues lately to keep in check.

So Friday morning, I got up to go to the Kidarelay. I had taken my old mountain bike to be tuned up, and Jeff picked it up on Monday, but I really have been so busy, that I couldn't throw in biking this week! So I just went down to Lincoln Beach and decided to go for it. I felt silly being the only person with a mountain bike on a road race, and I was definitely slower! But I just went with it, and all was well, until I got about 10 miles out on the first loop, and my chain broke! There I stood holding a broken bike chain in my hand, trying to decide what to do. My first thought, I am a better runner anyway, so maybe I should just run the 25 mile loop! But then an aid van came around, and Mahagony Thurston sent her road bike over for me to use. It was way easier to ride and make speed then on my mountain bike.

I did the first loop after being delayed for 30 minutes, took about a 30 minute break and then headed out on the second loop. This time I was feeling the lack of being on a bike. I don't think I have ridden a bike for about a year! No time to fit it in with running and boxing and grad school! But I made it around in a little less than 2 hours. I decided to take a break though, and went and took a nap for about an hour. It was obvious to me that I was drained from this week. I woke up feeling great, and headed out on a third loop and actually my butt didn't hurt as much the third loop. But then I got a text from someone thinking they were in labor, and the wind had really picked up the 3rd loop.

I had planned on going out a fourth loop to get over 100 miles in biking, but decided if I was going to possibly have to leave to a birth, I needed to rest a bit. So I slept for a couple of hours, and started the 12 hour running part.

The wind had really picked up by the time the run started at 8pm. It was a 3 mile out and back course that I would be running all night. But after the first 6-mile lap, I had to leave to get ready to go to a birth. First time I have had to leave in the middle of a race because of a birth possibility. As it turned out, things ended up dying down, and there was no birth. However, it was late enough that I decided I wouldn't get enough laps in for it to be worth the drive back to Lincoln Beach. Ended up being a good decision because the race was canceled in the middle of the night anyway due to the wind!

I decided that I would sleep a few hours, get up, and go run the Timp Trail marathon. I had signed up for it about 6-months ago, but thought I would miss it after I decided to do the Kidarelay. So I got up, and went out the door to a downpour! I decided to hit the startline anyway! I actually felt fine, I was just slow due to the biking I think. I could not run at my normal speed, but my legs did not hurt. However, it was a downpour at the startline, and then we hit snow about 2 miles up! I was still fine, but very wet. Then we hit the pipeline road up around Grizzly pass. It was a mudslide! I did OK, until the descent and then my gloves were no longer good enough, and my hands were freezing and getting frost bitten. I got to the aid at mile 6.55. I called Jeff and asked him to bring me some dry gloves. But then, I just decided, I felt like I had enough for the week! A long conference, a lot of setting up business stress, the event the day before, little sleep. Physically I was fine, but I just didn't want to handle the cold today. If Squaw Peak is this bad, I will finish and not quit unless the race director pulls me off the course, but this was a training race, and I felt like I had enough training for the weekend! Squaw Peak is in two weeks, and I want to be fresh and recovered, and hit under 15 hours this year. That is going to take a lot mental prep to hit under 15 I think! I really want to hit under 14, but there is a lot more snow this year, and I have a feeling Windy Pass will be a slower section then it was last year. I think I will carry poles from Little Valley to Big Springs!

So I guess you could call it a DNF, but It is because I just decided I had had enough, I needed to relax, I need to clean my house, I am going to the Art Ball with my brother Stephen tonight! I needed a little recovery space, and so I just didn't have the drive to torture myself in a downpour of snow and cold rain, and the slippery mud!

But my friend Brian Beckstead won the race, in 4:12! Amazing time considering the horrible trail conditions! I don't know how many people finished, but I know it was very cold and wet at the lower elevation, and it only climbed from there! I am imagining there was a high dropout rate!

I am getting excited for Squaw Peak in two weeks. That is one of my target races to do well at this year, and I don't have a big week before that, so I think I will be ready! I already am, I just had to pick my priorities this weekend. I didn't want to risk getting sick this weekend because I was so exhausted, but this is a great course, and it is in it's first year, so if they hold the race next year, I will be there, and hopefully the weather will be better! Wow! What a rotten weather weekend for races!

REALme New Website

2010-05-18T21:34:00.000-06:00

http://www.realmelifetraining.com/

This is the new website for REALme Life Training, my new venture!

I am also working this summer on passing my NSCA test to become a certified personal trainer, and working with Tandi Shaeffer, Mauy Thai and MMA coach extraordinar, to learn all the details of movement, and how to train people while also researching using movement and exercise to help people with eating disorders develop a healthier relationship with body movement. Also I want to promote the philosophy that exercise is not primarily about weight-loss and fitness. While these could be a side benefit for some, there are many other reasons to have a healthy relationship with exercise. Exercise should be an enjoyable event, not a punishment! We should have positive experiences with our bodies!

That is what my program is about!

STOP Reality Shows from Exploiting Eating Disorder Patients

2010-05-12T00:21:00.001-06:00

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=124909977526403

Fighting, New Gear, and Red, White and Blue

2010-05-03T23:04:00.000-06:00

So a few weeks ago my boxing gloves vanished! I think I left them at the gym and they got nabbed. It is a sad thing for a boxer to lose her gloves! You grow rather attached to them. They are like my security blanket!

So I had to buy new ones so I could train. I ended up with white gloves. At the end of my UVU schooling Jeff had bought me some headgear and shin guards so that I could spar and not just attend class. The headgear was too big for me, but I have been using it anyway. And then my son started switching from Jujistu to Muay Thai, and wanting to go to sparring classes as well. So he started sharing mine. He loves it when I sweat in it first!

But finally I am doing my third fight, and the headgear severely impacts my ability to see, cause it won't stay in place, so I bought a new Fairtex headgear that fits very nicely! And it is not as hot as the other one. The one in stock was blue.

Then I decided to complete my new set and get a pair of shin gaurds that are nicer, and then my son and I won't have to share gear, the ones in stock... red! I didn't plan it, but now I have a complete new set of red, white, and blue gear.

How patriotic of me eh!

I have been training like a ninja this month! I feel like I have reached a level of fitness that is higher than I have ever experienced. This should help my mental toughness for Wasatch and Bear. I have been personally training 2 times per week for boxing, and running longer runs closer together. I also started a weekly thing today. I really want to get faster, and do more speed work. So once a week am going to start a self-timed 5K, and work toward getting my speed down. My first goal is to hit 21 min, and then 20 and then so on.

Today, without any speed work for months.... I hit a 23:40 5k. That is slow for some people, but I am a distance runner, and not so fast!

I am also entertaining the idea of becoming a personal trainer myself, in addition to the MSW degree I am working on. I am thinking I will do personal training 2 times per week, self-study, work with my brother who is an elite triathlon coach, and then I am going to work it into my treatment model for therapy for eating disorder treatment, lifestyle coaching, and other trauma or self-confidence issues.

Exposure therapy, done carefully, to take the power of exercise from the eating disorder, instead of telling the individual to avoid exercise. Of course they would have to be medically cleared, and this would be done carefully with psychotherapy, and a whole program, but that is what makes the new program I am working on different then many eating disorder treatment programs. Practical, real, and makes life not all about everything related to the ED! A person has to learn to re-identify themselves, and it is easier to do if he/she is not being told that everything that was part of their ED mindset must be lost, or given away, or avoided! Instead, working with people on redefining things like physical activity to learn to appreciate the body for what it can do, and gain joy and achievement through completing difficult goals helps a person find that definition of themselves, and positive self-concept in the process.

This will be exciting!

Dreadmill Running at Women's Expo at UVU for 9 hours

2010-05-02T13:02:00.002-06:00

RUnning on a Dreamill: Jarom did 45 miles, Matt did 45, the combined women's team did 47, I did 38 on my own.

Acting our age- Ultrarunners over the age of 60

2010-04-26T00:18:00.001-06:00

Video Put together on Ultrarunners over the age of 60. For a class presentation on Ageism, I asked for seasoned runners to send me their pictures and stories! Very inspiring!!!!

9 hours on a dreadmill

2010-04-21T18:36:00.000-06:00

OK, to this got started after responding to a facebook post by Jarom Thurston with the message "Any women who want to run in shifts against me on Saturday. I am running on a dreadmill (yes that is the official term DREADmill) for 9 hours at the Women's Expo". So my smart ass reply was "Why in shifts". Thinking, women can run on dreadmills for long hours as well :) So I challenged him to a friendly 1 and 1. However, I got my days mixed up and didn't realize he was running Friday. I have to work Friday. So now, instead I will be at Utah Valley University Women's Expo on Saturday against Matt Ward from 11-8 on the dreadmill head to head. I haven't met Matt officially yet, but it should be a good time! Goal- 50 miles. That will be 3 runs in 4 weeks that are 50 miles!

Come watch me run the dreadmill!

Grand Canyon R2R2R- April 17th, 2010

2010-04-19T10:18:00.002-06:00

Well, this was a run I have been wanting to do for a couple of years, so when my friend Jim Skaggs posted back in February that he was going and was inviting people to go, I jumped on the bandwagon and decided I had to do it! I put my name in for Wasatch and Bear this year, and so I have decided this is the year I have to do a lot of tough runs!

This ended up being an AWESOME learning experience for me! I have had a lot of problems with my energy and hydration in the last year. Meaning I have had problems maintaining energy during races, and keeping my hydration and sodium balance normal. I believe this is what contributed to my two DNFs last year! I also had some problems during the Buffalo run, I finished the run, but the last 20 miles were hell, because I had no energy!

Jeff was going to come along and drive down with me, but got sent to Norway on a business trip instead, and is still there because of the Volcano in Iceland! But it looks like he might actually be able to come home in the next couple of days. A couple of days before the run Brian Beckstead contacted me wanting to ride down. We had a great ride down, fun conversation, and it was nice to have him come alone.

We did some photo shoots for Goal 0 and his new company as well when we got to the park, and then we set up camp. We met up with Jim and Karen Skaggs, and her sister and husband and had a great dinner at Bright Angel Lodge before heading to bed. I was able to get about 6 hours of sleep, which was good because I had only gotten about 1.5 hours the night before, and not much all week!

The Double Crossing, is not a race, it is serious self-supported business! This means, if you start, and you get to the North Rim, you are also getting back out, on your own. Because if it weren’t on your own, it would be by medical chopper power, and damn that would be embarrassing! So it really doesn't matter how you feel at any point during this run, you are stuck, and you have to figure it out!

We started out at 4:20 Arizona time. I reflected with Brian later and I think we recommend starting an hour or two earlier to avoid the heat. We took the Bright Angel Trail from the South Rim. The first 4 miles are 2000 ft of vertical drop switch backing with cut out "steps". Supposedly it was 28 degrees when we started, but I had all my layers off within 2 miles, cause I was hot! Boy, me and heat, I wish I could figure out how to do better with heat. This has only been a recent problem; it used to be cold and me! I need to do a lot of heat training this summer! Anyway. We made our way down the South Rim, and I was feeling great, but also in the back of my head knowing that this down was going to suck on the way back up! After you hit the bottom you decent 2000 more feet before you ascend to the North Rim.

The sun came up right as we were hitting the bottom of that trail, and we stopped a half of a mile down at the Indian Garden campsite. We filled up on water, took some great photos, and headed on. The next part of the canyon is also great, some narrow parts, and then this windy canyon that you descend down again for a couple more miles until you hit the Colorado River Crossing. We meet some more runners there who were doing the double-crossing that day. Over all there were probably about 25 runners we past, who were doing the same thing. Some of them were locals out here from Utah!

We crossed the river, past Bright Angel Camp, and then got to Phantom Ranch around 7:30. There is a restaurant and store at Phantom Ranch, and they have to mule and helicopter everything in. It is Crazy! But they are only open from 8-4 during the day and 8-10 at night. So we decided to go on, and try to hit it on the way back.

We left Phantom ranch and started the 3000 ascend to the top of the North Rim, 13.4 miles. We made our way down some beautiful narrows and took turns getting pictures of us running across different places. It was great, but we probably took our time a little too much, and it started getting hot! By the time we hit Cottonwood Campground, it was probably over 70 degrees! Between the narrows and Cottonwood I had ran out of water and my valve on my Camel Bak had fallen off, Brian Beckstead was a hero and ran back about 3/4 of a mile before he found it! I felt bad that he had to find it, but I was grateful, because I went through about 3 gallons of water that day. I had a period between miles 14-16 that I started losing energy and feeling sick, so I worked with my food to see if I could fix it. I started eating more, and started eating the gels I had brought. It worked, and from that point on, I kept food in my hand all the time. I started eating about 400 calories per hour, and having no more than a 10-15 minute break without eating something. I also figured out I had totally underestimated my caloric needs!

I have heard other people say your body cannot assimilate more than 260 calories per hour during a race. I have decided this is not true for my body! I am also not sure if it is true over all because there is really not a lot of science in ultrarunning. There have not been a lot of studies done on ultra runners, and so it is hard to take one statement and say it is true for every runner! I started eating 400-500 calories per hour, and my energy stayed fine from that point one! The problem is I have never done a self-supported run that far before, and I didn't bring enough food, even though I brought a lot! I also have been a gel hater, and I figured out on this run that gels are not all that bad for sustaining energy! I have been trying Perpetuem after talking to Marci Lamoreaux at Runner's Corner in Orem a couple of weeks ago, and she recommended this product. I think it is actually working with my body. After this run I will bring more gels and Perpetuem. I wish I had brought more on the run. I had about 5 servings of Perpetuem, and I wish I would have had 10, and I had about 2 gels and wish I would have had about 10 more! Jim Skaggs was a lifesaver, he had a gel system, and had an extra bottle that was equivalent to 4 gels! Plus his Salami. That saved me for about 500 calories worth!

A mile or two after we left the campground, I was feeling very tired. I had not slept enough all week, and Jeff is still stuck in Norway (although it looks like the winds have changed and if all goes well will be home by Tuesday night!), and it is finals. So I was just mentally tired and needed a nap! I told the guys to keep going and around mile 20 I took a nap. Probably only 10-15 minutes, but I felt 100% better! My legs were not hurting, my energy was great! I hit the trail again, and made my way up the North Rim! At this point I just pulled out my camera and started taking pictures. I was to mesmerized by the scenery I could not go fast! I had to take pictures! I ran out of water about 4 miles from the top, and ended up filling my Camel Bak again at a waterfall. I didn't realize I had brought purification tablets until later! But I drank from the waterfall anyway. Most of the water there comes from springs, and so I didn't feel too worried, and took my chances! My problem at this point was that I was running very low on food! I had decided it was better to maintain my energy then it was to conserve because I would get further if I wasn't struggling the whole way. I think this was the right decision, and I am actually excited because I feel like I have figured out what I need during my races to stay on top of my energy and perform well! This was a great learning trip in a lot of ways!

I got to about a mile from the top, and there was snow on the trail. It was possible, but made the last part very slow. I crossed Brian who was also running low on food and decided to try and make it down to Phantom Ranch in 2 hours before the store closed! He made it down in 1 hour and 50 minutes, and had 10 minutes before it closed! That took it out of him! I kept going, and about 10 minutes later came across Jim. I decided since there was no way I was going to make it to Phantom Ranch by 4, and I did not have enough food that I would have to wait until 8pm when the store reopened anyway so I was going to hike to the top, and then I would book it down. We talked for a minute, and I decided I was OK doing the North to Rim on my own. I think he was a little worried, but when you are an ultra runner you have to be OK with being alone. That is how most race courses are! You are out in the wilderness alone, for several hours, until you pass another runner or an aid station. I had enough water sources, electrolytes, first aid equipment, mental training, mace, and hey, there is a reason I train so hard in boxing :)

It was actually a cathartic time for me. A time to be on my own, in my head with no distractions, and no demands from the world. It doesn't happen too often. I took a few moments near the top to just sit and let the universe tell me whatever it wanted too. I got within probably a tenth of a mile from the actual top. There was one big snow field, I did not know how long it would take me to cross, and I new that I had to be careful with my calorie limitations, because I did not have much left! So I decided I had basically made it, and turned around. I put the camera away and started running. About a mile down, I had to fill up on water again, and then again at Cottonwood! Another thing I have figured out! Before I started measuring my sweet rate I was going off of other runners’ advice to avoid over hydration. That the body could only use 20 oz or so of water per hour! This is not true for me, and probably why I got dehydrated at both Bear and Kacina Mosa last year! When it is 20 degrees outside I probably only need 16-20 oz of water per hour, if it is not a hard run! If it is 45-50 degrees, and I am running hard I need 32 oz per hour! For this run I probably needed 50 oz per hour! I drank that much too! I also was using about 600mg of sodium per hour. This worked, and helped me when I started having heat problems to drink more water. I did not over hydrate by doing this. So this may mean that if it is hot at Wasatch or Bear, I may need to carry more than 80 oz of water on some stretches! But the water weight is worth carrying in place of not bonking!

After I left Cottonwood, I took a wrong turn. I took the trail down to Ribbon Falls. There was a man out their by himself, and he probably was just a lone hiker, but he was looking at me funny and staring at me the whole time I was in his view. I am pretty tough, and I actually think anyone would have a hard time attacking me before I knocked them out, but I still was a little nervous, and do not seek out confrontation! So I ran down the trail until I was out of his site, and then I realized I was on a dead-end trail! I saw the real trail on the other side of the river. My blood sugar was starting to get low at this point. I was out of food, and now starting to feel the mental effects. I didn't want to go back on the trail so I decided to try and cross the river! DUMB MOVE! I almost got swept down. So then I scolded myself and told myself to not make any more dumb choices. The biggest thing about being safe and being out on your own is to not make dumb choices in the first place! And to be prepared. I was mostly prepared, except for the under estimating food. But really, with no food I would have been OK, I just would have been miserable and had to slow down a lot. I had enough water and electrolytes, and first aid, etc, so I would not have died

But after that experience, I still didn't want to go on the trail, so I put my head back into thinking and rationalized how to get across without going back on the same trail. I ended up bushwhacking up the riverbank until I found a place that was shallow, and narrow enough to be able to cross holding on to something from either side, in the case that I got swept by the current. It worked, but then on the other side I had to figure out how to get around some cliffs and then back through the marsh and onto the trail. That detoured me by about 45 minutes to an hour! After that I was kind of mentally annoyed! I was a little slower from there to the Ranch because of it and because I was out of food, but I got to the Ranch at 7:30

I guess there was some special dinner going on and the store appeared to be open so I went in and bought a bagel, some Life Savers, Cookies, some nasty Luna bars! I had brought a lot of Laura Bars with me. I found out I love these after normal workouts, and HATE them during endurance runs. The nuts don't sit well in my stomach. But I had to eat them anyway cause that was what I was down to. So I ate them very very slowly. It worked, but I still can't eat any bars of any type right now without wanting to spit it out!
I guess it was some kind of special party though because the lady figured out I wasn't part of it, and told me they weren't open until 8pm and kicked me out. But I was glad to have got in 30 minutes early and not have to wait at the Ranch to move on. I was tired and just wanted to be done at that point, and I mostly walked the last 8-9 miles up hill. I crossed the river at dark, and then started up Bright Angel creek. The first 3 miles was tough, but I was walking up the 2000 accent pretty fast, and the Bullfrogs were making loud, strange songs that echoed through the canyon. I was kind of annoyed because it wasn't pretty songs, and I was getting ornery because I was just tired. My blood sugar started to even out, and so I felt better by the time I got to Indian Gardens. I saw two headlamps near the top of the rim at that point, and found out later that they belonged to Jim and Brian. So they were really only about 1.5 hours ahead of me at that point. But I was getting sleepy again, and the thought of the last 4 miles up that stupid hill became depressing! I made it about a mile and was swaggering, so I decided to bundle up and sleep under a rock for a while. This was the best thing to do cause I woke up and was able to finish the last 3 miles, although I was still pretty slow by the time I got to the last mile, I was just mentally tired.

I got to the parking lot around 1:30 am, and then I couldn't find my car until about 2am. I called Jim to tell him I was out, drove to camp and didn’t even change or anything. I found a bag of clementines, ate a few, crawled into my sleeping bag, and felt asleep until almost 7am. Then I went and showered. Brian was awake, and we decided to head home. We stopped in Cameron, just outside the park, to eat breakfast. I had lost my sense of taste for a while, and I was getting dizzy when I stood up and so I started drinking tons of Gatorade. The post race body trying to figure out how to normalize. I couldn't even taste the Gatorade, just a metallic flavor. But then I ate sausage, bacon, eggs, and pancakes. An hour later got dizzy again and drank anther 32oz plus of Gatorade. I had been feeling more coherent when we left, and thought I would be fine to drive if I just had an hour or two of sleep. But ended up being so out of it, I slept the whole 10-hour drive home, and Brian drove. I felt kind of bad, but I was pretty hammered. Had I been alone, I would not have left until today. I got home and went to bed at 6pm and slept until 7am with the exception of 45 minutes I got up and posted a few pictures before I was out of it again.

Today I feel great! And today I want to go again! Now I know some more about my nutritional needs on races, and think I will do much better at keeping my energy level normal, and be able to finish Wasatch, Bear, and Katcina!

I had a lot of fun, and am glad the two faster guys allowed me to tag along! I want to do it again sometime, but start out earlier, and bring more food!

REALme Life Training " Treatment outside of the box"

2010-04-13T22:52:00.000-06:00

Check out my new business at realmelifetraining.blogspot.com

The Second Burning

2010-04-11T08:46:00.001-06:00

A few years a go I made a video on my Youtube channel called "The Burning". I represented me burning some old skeletons in my closet so that I could move on and progress in life. I had been challenged a few months previous to get rid of my skinny b(r)itches that I was killing myself to try to fit into. Literally I was dying inside, and my physically body wasn't doing to hot either. There was more than one occasion that I knew that my electrolyte balance was so off from severe restricting and purging behavior that my heart rate was irratic, slow, and I knew I was on the verge of this game of balance between a robotic life with my ED, and death.

I burned those damn jeans, and it wasn't all a cakewalk in recovery after that. In fact that is probably when it really got tough, because I really committed to recovery, and that meant really facing issues. At that point in my life I was just about to run my second marathon. I had run my first marathon a few months earlier. My first marathon I was severely eating disordered, and believe it or not it was a healthy thing for me to do. It was one of the things that made me not rebel against everyone who wanted me to eat. I had to start eating to support my activity level.

About 5 weeks after the burning, I ran my first ultramarathon: The Ogden Valley 50. That ultramarathon solidified my commitment to recover, because I signed up for it on a whim 4 weeks before the event. I realized as I was training for it that I had bitten off a huge task and I had never trained for more than a marathon! I had to challenge my negative self-talk, and the lies my ED told me in order to succeed at running 50 miles. I had to think a lot of positive things about myself! I started to rescript my internal chatterbox out of necessity to survive a 50 mile race. As a result, it also slowly started to rescript my life.

I had not intended on ever becoming a social worker. I thought I was a midwife, and that was the end of my professional usefuless. I went back to school that same fall because I was planning on becoming a CNM or a nurse practitioner. I was intent on this and I took organic chemistry, nutrition, and other classes that nursing schools would make me take because they would not recognize my midwifery degree. I wish I would have had a shed hit me the first year, because I would have avoided a lot of classes that I didn't need, but my last year at UVU I had this strong push from somewhere to apply for social work. I actually was angry because I did not want to become a social worker, I did not want to ever be called a therapist! I had one therapist as a teen that was really full of shit, and unethical, and screwed up a lot of things for me for many years, even though I only physically did therapy with him for 15 months! Nutcase!!!!

Anyway, I worked through a lot of anger even after starting at the CSW at the U, but now I can see that I probably would not have been happy in nursing. I have had a lot of amazing experiences and met some pretty amazing people! And now I am starting a treatment business for eating disorders. I will share more details as we incorporate, but the cool thing is, I will have the necessary supervision to practice within my own company, after I graduate from the U next spring. I will be working under someone because of the legal requirements with licensure, but it is a company that I am actively taking a roll the the foundation. So that is exciting too me!

We have a unique approach and philosophy of treatment that is out-of-the box, and more empowering to the person than a lot of treatment facilities I am aware of. I believe it will benefit many people, and I think I am creating something that I needed when I was sick, but had to kind of create in my own little treatment world because it was not there. I made it happen to some level for myself, in an unofficial way, and I got better. This will be an official way for others who aren't enthralled with some of the less empowered models of treatment to experience something totally different and positive!

I will have more details to come. But I did a second burning last night! This one was more practical, but just as powerful. I have a lot of big plans with this business, and so I am trying to set up a very organized system from the start. In order to do this, I have a lot of old stuff I need to finally get organized as well. It is a huge project, and I am creating a very OCD system for this new business in hopes that all the micro-management now will lead to the future running smoothly, successfully, and with less head-ache! I cleaned out a lot of old paparwork from my garage and "office" and burned for 4 hours straight. I don't have a decent shreder and so I burned. Now I have a lot more to recycle and garbage, and send to DI, but it was a lot of stuff! I also spent a few more hours working on labeling folders and figuring out how to match everything with all the people involved so it is an identical system. It is based off of the E-Myth book, that you create your business like a franchise. This means everyone has the same books, that look the same, and the system is 100% identical so that anyone down to the person flipping the burger can figure out how to run the business.

It is quite a process! But it was also cathartic to burn a lot of that old paperwork, and to realize how far I have come. A few years ago I was struggling just to live, now I am creating something that is full of life, and helping others to live. I could have never have seen myself here when I burnt those jeans. Then, I was only able to see 1 day at a time. I was only able to commit to trying everyday and then deciding if it was worth the fight when I woke up the next morning and tried again!

It is worth it, and now my life is full of valuable and meaningful experience. I had great things happen to me before then, but now life is a great adventure! Stay tuned for more details.

My Friend Becky McInnis taking a stab at the "Ana-Devil"! And Jeff helping me tie up "Binge-Bertha", "Mia-Wraith", and "Swen" the clothes gnome to the stake to be burned! We then roasted marshmallows and kabobs over their ashes, and then had a nice "Blessingway" (Navajo tradition) with 7 of my closest friends. Friends are important in recovery!

Runners Caught Outside As Hail Storm Hits - Des Moines Weather News Story - KCCI Des Moines

2010-04-10T14:21:00.000-06:00

Runners Caught Outside As Hail Storm Hits - Des Moines Weather News Story - KCCI Des Moines

I got new boxing gloves!

2010-04-08T11:16:00.002-06:00

Good things coming! The floodgates open

2010-04-07T23:41:00.000-06:00

OK, seriously folks! I have to be the most randomly put together person I know! I am a midwife, mother, runner, socialworkish freak, boxer, writer, and I am sure I could find more labels that seem to all be randomly put together? So what does random and all these things have to do with eating disorder, addiction, and other recovery? Well, I am inclined not to say too detailed yet, but I will say this. Life keeps getting more and more exciting.

Watch for some updates in the next month, if all goes well I may have a new and exciting program to offer you in the fall! This is an approach to treatment in an empowering way that you probably have never seen! Really the idea's just keep getting better and better. Yesterday they were awesome, today they are fantastical! Yes, that is a word. I come from a family of wierding words, and randomizing life, because it is fun!

Really, I think I am about to present one of the most awesome idea's in treatment I have ever heard of. Mostly because it is the treatment I wish I could have had when I needed treatment. I want people to experience what I had to create for myself individually, but it is not just me! And it is based on evidence.

I feel like my ADHD has a place and a purpose. And now I need to turn my brain off and go to sleep. Yes, I know I sound all grandious and gitty, but it is not a manic phase of life I promise. I am not really manic, I am just a maniac in general. So this is just normative, and I am excited.

I am now seeing why I abandoned the idea of nursing school, even though at the time I wondered why the hell I decided to apply for a social work program. Really, it is not where I thought I would be!

If all of this makes no sense to you, then just wait :) If I have talked to you, you know what I am talking about, and it is getting better every moment!

Oh, so you want to hear something about running? I am running R2R2R next Saturday. I lost my boxing gloves, and had to order a new pair:( They should be here tomorrow. Now to bed. I am training with Tandi in the morning, and she tends to be sadistic these days..haha

Goodnight, and if you read my random post and are still confused, don't worry, you are not the only one!

Oh, I just noticed some more peeps are following me. So welcome, and goodnight.

Arat

Antelope Island 50 mile Buffalo Run report 2010, March 27th I am #1!

2010-03-28T15:27:00.001-06:00

Wow, talk about my body rebelling! I mean this is the 3rd year I have run this course, and it is not the most difficult of 50 mile courses. I felt like shit run over by a tractor, dried out, and then beat to death with a muddy carpet!

But that is all part of the fun of ultra running! The thing that made me mad was that I was really faithful on following Elena's dietary, electrolyte, and fluid replacement recommendations, and I still felt horrible. It was a stressful week at the CJC, maybe that was part of it. My week started with Monday, being a day spent with a client in crisis, Thursday, some tough therapy sessions, and Friday, my boss having some heart issues that I was trying to help her with. Although I made sure I got sleep Thursday night, Friday did not go as planned. I had planned on leaving work at 5pm, getting my race packet from Striders , and then sleeping on the Island.
This did not work out because I was tied up until after 8pm, and so I finally left Lindon around 9pm. I stopped into Walmart to get some last minute food for my drop bags, and a meal for my 2am feast before the race. Elena is telling me to eat 200g of carbohydrates 3-4 hours before the start of the race, which means I have to wake myself up and eat, and then go back to sleep. I bought a hoggie from the Walmart pre-made food section, a Coke, and some other random stuff high in carbohydrates. I then went to the parking lot, and made a bed with my thick subzero sleeping bag that my parents gave us for Christmas a couple of years ago. I have been really glad to have these bags, because they make the back of my van very comfortable and I just sleep at the start line for races! This was especially important because the Island closes at dark, so camping on it was not an option.
The weather on Friday was scary. It was snowing, and the temp was freezing. I was worried, and I ended up packing a lot of warm weather clothes even though the forecast was nice for Saturday, I don't trust Utah because the weather often changes different than the weatherman predictions.
I ended up driving to the gate of the Island, and parking just off the side of the road to sleep. I was quite bushed, and I woke up without my alarm at the right time to eat, and then went back to sleep until 4:30. When I woke up that hoggie didn't feel right, and I thought I was going to hurl. I went and got my race bib. I have been the first person to register for two years in a row, making my bib number 1 for the second year in a row! It is funny to be number one, when that is the only time you have had that number as a finisher :) I drove to the start line where I spent 30 minutes in slow motion getting dressed, and then taking my drop bags to the start line.
Then Jim Skaggs, gets on the half working megaphone with whatever is on that hat of his (is that a Beaver or some kind of inbreed alien?) tells us where to run.... go that way for a while, and then turn that way, and then..... clear as mud...j/k. And then we start. The temp was cold, but not as cold as I thought it might start out. I was feeling horrible for the first 2.5 miles, and then I started to feel a little better, just having those indigestion burps that come up like rotten eggs, and make you want to hurl. I don't know if it was the sandwhich or the Village Inn lunch that I had eaten with another intern at the CJC earlier on Friday. Or maybe just the stress. I started doing better around the backloop. I still took it a little slow, because I always approach the first 13 miles of this course more conservatively and make up a lot of time later, at least that has worked in the past. got to Elephant Head, and I made that loop pretty quickly, and then picked up a lot of time down to White Rock Bay (around 19 miles) I did have a bit of trouble the last mile down to White Rock, but it was a psychological weird thing. I got to my drop bag, and stripped down to a tank top. It helped with the nausea to be more on the cool side. I saw my friend John Bozung taking pictures as I prepared for the next phase. I never take Advil in a race, I am too afraid of it effecting my kidneys, but I decided to take 400 mg because I had a muscle in my calf tightening and poping. That was a really strange feeling. It didn't hurt, it just popped for about a mile, and then it stopped. I walked up to mile 20, and then I ran again. I was doing fine until I hit mile 25, and then started to lose energy. I got to mile 27, changed my pants (I have a bad bladder leakage problem I wish I could figure out how to fix. So far I am working with a urologist and the medication he tried made it worse, and then my last appointment he was in surgery, so I won't get to have any other ideas until I go in this Friday. Yes, I know that is really probably TMI, but if you are a female you should know about this problem. It causes major chaffege, and it rather embarrassing.) I fueled up and was doing better for a couple of miles but then my energy bonked 3 miles from the Ranch.
I came into the Ranch feeling like I was going to pass out. I was mad, because I was not going to have another DNF, especially not on my easiest course of the year! When I got there, I figured out my blood sugar was low. I ate a whole PB&J, cookies, oranges, and I don't know what else! I ate a ton, went to the bathroom, and felt a bit better. I was still dizzy, but just took it slow back to the Lower Frary aid station. At this point I figured I could walk the course at 3 miles per hour or less, and still finish in under 12.5 hours. So I walk/ran, and then when I got to the aid station, my energy was gone again. I had been drinking water at a rate of 5-10 oz every 15 minutes consistantly throughout the course. I was doing 2 scaps per hour, and eating 30-60 grams of carbs at all the aid stations. I suspected at that point, that maybe my body was needing smaller amounts of carbs more frequently, instead of eating it all at once since I was eating enough, but crashing, and my urine was starting to smell like acetone.
I took a handful of dates and started on the last 11.5 mile stretch. I felt horrible, but nibbling on dates, did help keep my blood sugar more even. I had to stop a couple of times to regain my equalibrium, but I just kept an even walk/run pace. I got to the aidstation at mile 44, and was not feeling great, and my husband and kids where there to cheer me on. It was glad they were there, but it was funny because my body was so off at that point that hearing them yell actually made me more puky! It was like I couldn't handle any extra stimulation at that point. My husband was really nice and peeled me a whole orange, so I could carry some food with me and keep my blood sugar up. I felt week, but made it to the Bridger Bay campground at mile 45.8 where John Bozung was there and gave me some Enlighten strips. I have not been a believer in them as being more special then Scaps, but I am wondering if because I hate drinking electrolyte drinks, and get most of my electrolytes from scaps, if it is not all absorbing fast enough. I might actually have to try to have some of those on the next race, and see if I stay more even!
The last 4 miles was hell! I was having major breathing issues. I seem to have this problem on dusty trails. At the end I feel like I am drowning in fluid. The funny thing was, my legs felt just fine the whole race, but between my energy dips, and lung issues, running was hard. So I was slow the last 4 miles, but I made it in 12:08 and was happy to be done with this one! I was more happy that I didn't listen to my mind and DNF.
So I think I am learning a few things about my body from this race. I need to eat carbs every 15 minutes, I need a faster absorbing source of electrolytes with teh scaps. I think the biggest thing that made it harder was that my last race was at the end of October, and my training has not been great in the winter. So this is like waking my body out of hybernation. After I had a tough time on Bear last year, I ran St. George marthon 1 week later, and felt fine, and did a fight the next week, and then ran OV 50 the next week. OV 50 was my easiest course all year. I did a PR on that course even though I felt like I was not putting much effort into speed because I was only out to have fun and finish that one! I took off 25 minutes of that course, and probably could have taken off a lot more time if I would have actually been trying :)
I am sure my body will adapt now. From this point on, I have at least 1 50 mile course, event, or activity planed until the end of October, and I think my body will do better. It seems like the closer the runs are, the better my body adapts, and does not crash. A winter full of grad school, and fewer long runs made this a hard course. But it was still a great day, and I am glad I finished! This is my 3rd year running Buffalo, and I wasn't about to break a streak! Plus, my main goals are to finish Wasatch 100, and finish the two courses I DNFed last year. So finishing this race while feeling so horrible was probably a good psychological test of toughness when it comes to how I might feel on Wasatch!
After the race I sat down with Colleen Ford, and a couple of other people (sorry I didn't catch their names) and ate Jim's famous buffalo stew, and drank a Coke out of my finishers mug. I then drove out to the local Walmart and parked, and took a nap for an hour an a half. I woke up tired, and nauseated, and drove to a 7-11 where all I could think of to get some of the carbs, and fats I needed was nachos and cheese and gatoraid. When I am that bushed, my normal healthy eating habits become non-important. After eating and drinking enough to get my blood sugar and electrolytes back to normal, I drove toward home, but got really tired again and pulled off 9 miles from the Lindon exit to sleep. I slept for another 1.5 hours before I could be awake and alert enough to drive the last 17 minute stretch. I don't think I have ever been that wiped out from a 50 miler. I usually can jump in the car and drive home no problem! It was strange!
I got home and work up a few times and took scaps and ate figs throughout the night, and slept until 12pm. Then I decided I needed some fats and protein, and couldn't find anything in the house, so I went to Sonic and after eating 3/4 of a burger and a milkshake came home and puked. The only time I have ever puked after a race! Maybe it is because normally I hate fastfood, I don't know, but then I have felt better since then, and my legs actually are not very sore at all. They were only a little sore last night, and hardly any soreness today. Just my body trying to adjust back to normal. It took until this afternoon for the acetone urine smell to start to go away, so I know my body is metabolizing more normally finally.
I am not sure what is causing the acetone, but the research I did on it makes me thing my body either wasn't utilizing carbs because I was eating too much and then having too long of a space between eating again. It was never more than an hour, but I think I need to eat 15 grams of carbs every 15 minutes. Maybe my body will adapt more now that I will be running longer runs closer together, that probably has something to do with how well my body metabolizes.
I think part of the fun of racing, is that there is no hard fast rule about how to fuel in an ultra event. The same thing doesn't work for everyone, and you have to find out what works for you.

Priorities, priorities, priorities.....

2010-03-25T10:22:00.000-06:00

This is a directive from my dietitian of all people :) Make a list and prioritize, my life. Like what is important, how important is it. So I actually did that last night, and I took a bunch of sticky notes and wrote on them, and then lined them all up and organized them to see how everything I am doing relates to each other. It was actually quite helpful. It was also a bit depressing. I don't know if I link knowing how much I actually need to get done. It is huge! But I am organizing, so for the next year my life is going to be about writing programs, establishing a new career, writing, and running. And yes, all of that relates to eachother, however, if I tried to tell you I doubt you would get it, so if you really want to know, come look at my presentation board full of sticky notes and you can see a linear model of my brain process.

So on a personal priority my goals are to complete the task and organize my schedule with sleep and nutrition being a high priority. Otherwise, I am not going to feel great and fall back into nasty habits. Running is up there as well, and it also relates to wanting to weave it in to my new business model.

I might have bit off a lot, but I am breaking it down. On Saturday I am running the Buffalo 50 miler, I am getting ready for that right now. Actually I was doing some homework, but now I am getting my car stripped out to make a bed, then I will get drop bags ready etc. I love the adventure of my life, even if sometimes it is daunting to look at everything I sign up for!

What Does Developing the Mind of an Ultrarunner Mean?- Explanation of Music Play List

2010-03-20T22:30:00.001-06:00

Today I decided, life is pretty amazing. It is amazing how the pain we experience in life, leads to healing of others' pain when it is similar to our own. When we heal from our own pain, it becomes a gift. We can not help but develop compassion and that compassion stands alone in healing others' pain.

That is my thought for today. Life is full of pain, I think that is why I like running, it teaches you to view pain differently. Before I started running ultras, I think I tried to avoid pain all the time. Not physical pain, but emotional pain. When you train for endurance, you have to face pain, and sometimes the deepest pains are the fears you hold of yourself. I do not believe it is the fear of failure that holds us back, but rather the fear of succeeding so much that we move up to a new level of understanding. An understanding that we do indeed co-create our own reality. We can not blame every life situation on our circumstances. Instead we acknowledge what has contributed, but also how we contribute to staying the same.

Yesterday as I was sitting through several counseling sessions, I realized how much of my ability to sit with others has been molded through developing an ultra running mind. Here are the common pitfalls I have had to undo.

" I am not good enough to succeed" can not co-exists with a successful finish
" I am bad" can not be together with the distance you are going
" I am lonely" does not resonate when you and only you can push yourself through
" I am sad" yes you may be, but sad will pass, along with tired, discomfort, and wanting to quit. Everyone wants to quit, but unless there is a real danger, quitting is not an option.
"I am a failure" there are no failures, just learning moments. We learn from every race, every moment.

You can not think negative of yourself and become a true ultrarunner. It will not work, even if you are successful in the short term, you will breakdown. Your body, mind and soul respond to the thoughts you feed it. Does this mean you are done with bad days, hard times, and shitty internal phrases? Probably not, but instead of locking them in, you ride them out, and know that they, like pain, will pass.

I created a play list today on this page. You will notice a wide range of emotional tones in the list. It is not consistent, some is happy, some is angst, some is sad, and all the way in between. This is a look into the human mind, my mind. Where I have been, where I am, where I am going. Sometimes I feel great, sometimes I don't, but giving up, quitting, and becoming a victim to my past is not an option. Don't make it an option for you either. I love my life, even on days that I don't.

Remembering to not run!

2010-03-14T16:41:00.000-06:00

This is the funniest thing. I am laughing at myself because I can't run until after 9am tomorrow, and I keep having to remind myself. I am forgetting not to run today. I get ready to go put on my workout clothes and 5FVs and then a big STOP!!!! Oh yeah, I am not supposed to run today. This has happened at least 3 times. Why? I am being sent by my dietitian to have my resting metabolic rate and body composition measured. In order to get an accurate reading I can't exercise for 24 hours before, and I had to not run a long run on Saturday.

So I started thinking... It is funny that I can't connect the words exercise and running together. They are two different things to me. Running is running, and exercise is exercise. I don't have anything against exercise, but a run doesn't feel like much exercise until I have been out for at least 3 hours. Otherwise it is just a run, and running is what I do. It has become a habit. So much of a habit that I almost forgot to not run!

Wouldn't it be great if this were true of all of America? Moving should be a natural part of life, and weather that is running or some other activity, we need to move! The problem is the word exercise for some reason has become a synonym for punishment. Something we dread doing. Perhaps it stems from the approach many of us were raised with. I was reflecting on this yesterday....... go back....... still going..... to 6-7th grade. Springville middle school gym class.

Hey, I was homeschooled and so exercise was not pushed on me as a punishment until 7th grade. Sure, I had other dysfunctional messages going on at home, but not about moving. Oh wait, so lets go back even further. When I was 7 and 11.3/12th years old I attempted a 50/20. This was a yearly thing that started at "This Is the Place" monument in Salt Lake City, and ended at Pioneer Park in Provo. I had watched my dad do this, and finish it, and even though I was young I remember him getting a medal for finishing that 50 mile walk in under twenty hours. I was just 6 when I saw all those people getting medals. I saw my dad get one, and I almost started crying. Yes, even as a 6 year old, the sense of accomplishment I felt for him, and the longing to complete it myself was strong. So the next year I begged and begged and begged, and did I mention I begged my dad to let me do the 50/20. He reluctantly agreed, and I think he thought I might make it about 5 miles and quit. Guess he didn't know me, even then, I never quit!

So in the months leading up to that event we walked down the Provo Canyon trail. I lived in North Provo down by where there are lots of fancy shops and restaurants now, the Riverwoods. But then it was Edgewood Dr, and there were a few houses and lots of field. We walked on the trail, and on the day of the event I was bubbling with excitement. We started out, and I walked. We past the 5 mile mark, and I still walked. Sometime my dad started asking if I was really going to go on, and I did. I walked into the night, I walked past aid stations. My dad stopped at lots of gas stations and bought me treats until it started making me sick to my stomach to think about eating. So I just kept walking, even though I was sick as hell! I made it 30 miles, and I think I was sleep walking at that point, and at mile 35 my dad couldn't walk anymore. He wasn't prepared for me not to quit after 6 miles. I was really sad, and they had to force me to quit. But I was also tired, and couldn't fight much. The next day I felt this overwhelming sense of depression when I realized I would not get that medal. I did not know what an ultramarathon was back then, and until recently it didn't occur to me that a week before my 8th birthday, I had walked more than a marathon.

So that was how I approached physical activity, it was not a punishment then. So back to Jr. High. I am sure that outside of school these teachers must be not as mean as I remember them, but I have to write this how I remember it. Should they someday run across my blog, and read about how awful they are, please remember that this is from an 11-14 year old perspective, and peer influence to hate gym teachers was high. Also Jr. high is probably the worse teaching job I can imagine being placed in. I wonder if instead of serving jail time, a judge ordered a Jr. High teaching sentence if we would see more reform! So here I was. A big 7th grader in middle school! I had been taking Orchestra class since 5th grade, but beyond that, I was homeschooled beyond that. I thought it was torture at the time to be a homeschooled kid, who didn't get to sit in class with her friends, but really, I am not scared. My mom is a great homeschool teacher, and she is an Amazon Woman. What other grade school kid has an Amazon Woman for a teacher!

In 7th grade I was so excited because my mom decided to let me take half my classes at the middle school, and she would school me in my core subjects (probably for good reason. My kids have been in private and charter schools because the trial with public school for the first 1.5 years of my oldest child’s life was a disaster!) Meet Miss Lewis. Now don't read this wrong, I am all for body image acceptance, but it is bit strange to have gym teachers who are not at all physically fit, overweight, and all they do is bark out orders for you to comply with their strange aerobic moves that they can't even do themselves, because they don't exercise! This was Miss Lewis. Make her mad, she would punish you with laps around the soccer field, and calisthenics. Otherwise, she wasn't terrible. We mostly played games in that class, and one of our assignments was to invent a game and play it in class. But one time I accidently knocked over her mug full of ice, and after being told by my fellow student that she would kill me I stayed silent when she scolded the class trying to get someone to rat the Ice offender out, and as a result of everyone's silence we had to run. Wow! No wonder America hates to move, anyone else taught to be punished by exercise?

Next year, 8th grade. Now I move up to the big Jr. High school, and I started going to school fulltime. I fought my mom so much on it, and started refusing to do any schoolwork at home, that she finally relented and sent me to public school. Ms. Anderson, this was way worse than Ms. Lewis. Ms. Anderson had the same disposition. Overweight, out of shape, and didn't move herself. In fact my most horrifying memories were her showing us how to bend over and do "cherry-pickers" to Bryan Adams "Summer of '69". That song still brings back the trauma of that visual. So we have aerobics, again.... didn't we just love the 80's?....... and Ms. Anderson was even meaner. You had to take everything off that was not a uniform, and if you forgot you got in trouble, and to be honest I don't remember what the punishment was, but I remember for getting in trouble when I realized I had forgotten to take my watch off, and put it in m sock.... which of course she caught me doing!

My worse memory was when we were doing sit-ups one day, and I could not hold in my methane stores. A very loud rip was heard across the echoing gym, and the whole class burst out in laughter. I was mortified. Because of the laughter Ms. Anderson was pissed, apparently humor was not allowed, and so she punished us with a whole hour of calisthenics. Really, I just think she liked to punish us. She would use any little infraction of the rules as a chance to punish the whole class. So really, I can see why people think exercise is a drag when you combine these post-traumatic memories, or like me, in my worse ED days, punished breaking any food rules with "torturous" forms of exercise. I, of course, was even more ashamed, and refused to claim the methane leek, even though I don't know how anyone could have missed that it was my gas leak. OK, I guess I don't have any trouble saying, "Ms. Anderson, congratulations, you were a fat bitch!" Fat, because at that time, that is the label you would have gotten from me for how mean you were.

Luckily, I actually had some very nice gym teachers in high school, who were actually athletic, and actually cared more about students, then they did about punishing them! But unfortunately I also learned how to have an eating disorder by watching a video on it in a high school gym class.

So as I think about remembering not to run. I am grateful for a few things. 1. That I no longer use exercise to punish myself, and 2. That I have to remind myself not to run today. 3. That my mouth salivates when I think about running! Gym class should be an opportunity to teach kids healthy living AND healthy body image. I hope this is changing, I don't know if it is. I hope there is some Ms Anderson that will read this and think twice about punishing kids with exercise, and instead get to know kids, and connect with them. Maybe you will prevent an eating disorder if you do this, and instead of reading something like this in 20 years, you will read about a kid who is grateful for a gym teacher that built his/her confidence, and taught him/her to love moving!

Vibrum KSO Trek review

2010-03-10T21:36:00.000-07:00

These are totally worth the extra cost!! I finally found a brown pair in my size. I bought Jeff a black pair for Christmas, and I have never been able to find the treks in my size until last Saturday! I did 10 miles in them on Saturday, and that was my longest "barefoot" run yet! It is getting more natural feeling, but I am afraid I will still have to do some shoe running on the Antelope Island 50m. On Monday I did 7 miles in them, and my legs were feeling that Satursday run. I also pushed my speed the whole time on Saturday, and it was a good workout! But this morning, it took a half an hour of walking around to stretch out my calf. I am loving loving loving loving it though!!!! Oh, and Jeff has been doing a lot of mid week runs with me between 5-7 miles in his V5F as well. It is nice to have older kids now, who can handle life on the run! Really, I am so used to having to run solo all the time because of having to trade off to watch kids, and too many people assuming that I am fast just because I run far.

But I am finding some people who want to run with me every once in a while now, and it is kind of a fun social aspect that i haven't had with running before! In April I am going down to run the Grand Canyon R2R2R with a couple of ultrarunning buddies. I am really excited about that. Then it will be Timp Trail, and before I know Squaw Peak again. Wasatch is getting closer, excited and terrified, and going to spend most of this summer training on that course!

Kahtoola Snowshoe 50K Jan 30, 2010

2010-01-31T13:27:00.002-07:00

Kahtoola Show Shoe 50K- or rather 30K

I signed up for this race only having been on Snow Shoes maybe 3-4 times in my life, and the last time probably 13 years ago! But I have run in the Kahtoola Flight boot a few times in the last couple of years. I have a fight next week, so I decided to go in cautiously I know when my legs are going to be a little weaker for a few days after a race, and I knew that this race would use a few different muscles then I was used to. So because this race has the option of dropping to a lower distance (5k,10k,15k,25k, marathon, or 50K) even after you start the longer race, that I would allow myself to drop down before I felt like my legs would be too week to be 100% at full performance on Monday and Tuesday when I need to train with as much precision as possible for the Smoker Bouts next weekend.

There were a couple of factors that lead me to this decision. The race is all about my own goals and accomplishments, it does not affect anyone else if I drop, but the fight is different. I have committed to my instructors, trainer, and the gym that I am fighting, and because I am doing so part of my responsibility is to give a good performance to the audience watching. The fact that a few hundred people are watching puts pressure on me. They are coming to watch me give 100%, and so that is what I am going to do. I knew completing as much of the race as I felt was reasonable would be good for my cardio and endurance during the fight, give me an edge, and force mental discipline. Completing a race takes being comfortable with discomfort, and learning to relax and not allow pain to discourage you or stop you, unless it is pain that would cause injury to continue.

However, my body is intuitive, and I know at which point the pain switches to enough muscle fatigue that I will be recovering and slower the next few days to one week. I can still run and perform, but it is not at 100%, nor should it be. Being intuitive means listening to my bodies needs to heal and back off. But I was very excited for a few reasons.

1. I had a horrible night at the CJC. I had a client who disclosed some very serious abuse that was never reported, despite it going on for 3 years, and many people including friends, parents, and teachers knowing about it, but ignoring it. I was angry for what this girl had experienced, and no one had cared enough for her wellbeing, and it led to other abuse that had been disclosed, and being in a very bad situation. I talked to this girl for over an hour and informed her that this abuse needed to be reported, and spent an additional 45 minutes with my supervisor assuring this girl that we were there for her, did not judge her, and would help her through this tough situation, then also talking to her mother and assuring her that we would do the best we could to help she girl and the situation.

Because of the disclosure, I had to write a report that will be turned in to law enforcement, and the amount of what was disclosed was so much that it took me nearly 2 hours to write the report, and than I was so upset and angry, that I spent another 2 hours debriefing with me supervisor. Thank goodness I had a supervisor who saw how much it affected me, and took the time to debrief, and eventually making me laugh a lot. I felt better, but I missed the fighter meeting for next week, didn't get home until 10:30 pm, and was not even packed for everything I needed in the race. I was so tired, I could not think straight so I just grabbed in a hurry anything I thought I might need for the next day and threw it in a pile, deciding I would be more effective in preparing if I just went to bed and got up early. This was a good decision, but I had strange dreams from the trauma this case caused me. I am fairly good at not taking cases home with me most of the time, but I am human and compassionate, and I can't expect that no case will ever affect me. Especially because I work in a place that the worst cases come to for individual therapy. I am amazed at how resilient these people are, and end up feeling a sense of protection to help them because in many cases no one had stood up for them. I want to help them find functional relationships and support in their lives so they don't end up repeating patterns that will lead them to be in bad situations for many years. I work with mostly teen girls and adult women, and I actually like working with them, but it is hard emotional work.

So the race could not have come at a better time, because it allows me an outlet to feel better about the world when I see nature, and realize God still provides a lot of positive, and the whole world is not evil.

2. I have been meeting with a nutritionist who specialized in sports nutrition and eating disorders. I consider myself to be fully recovered, but I still need someone who understands where I have been and can help me nutritionally in a way that will not trigger old patterns I have overcome. Elena Yorgason is great! Since I have been meeting with her I have gained much more confidence that I can control my weight, and have optimal performance nutrition without ever needing ED again. I am amazed at how much my thinking has improved, my moods are stable, and it really had improved my endurance, speed, and ability to feel good for the whole race or event. She recently gave me a plan that includes what to eat and when before, during and after the race. I have never done a race on this plan, and was excited to try it to see how I felt. I feel like on two races that I DNF'd last year nutrition and not knowing how much I needed of what, and when were huge factors.

It turns out I was not eating enough for my activities before I meet with her. I had no idea, and so although it was hard for me to adjust to increasing my intake, because physically I was not used to eating that much, and it felt uncomfortable at first. Now I am getting used to it, actually maintaining weight better, and losing weight when I am on her plan 100% (that is what I am working on) So 3 hours before the race I was trying to get the 200-300 grams of carbs for performance. It was hard, and I think I was really only able to get 150 grams in, but it was still more than I have done before, and it really DID make a difference. I was also not eating enough during the race. I was only eating about 250 calories per hour before, and I really need 400-500 per hour. That also made a huge difference for how I felt during the race, and after. Eating at the intervals after the race, in how she said was almost 100% intuitive; because I was very hungry at the times I was supposed to eat! So eating on this plan has made me more intuitive then I was before, and I have almost no cravings for junk food. I am eating a lot of quinoa as a base grain with a lot of meals, and it really makes a difference! It is a super food.

So this made me excited for this race.

3. I want to get more tolerance for cold, and motivation to not allow myself to let cold deter me from running. It started out at 5 degrees, so this was a good time to practice.

So I started the race, and 10 minutes later the top of my water bottle was frozen OPEN! I had to take the lid off anytime I wanted a drink, and there was Ice in the top layer. This led to my gloves getting wet, and at first I thought I was going to die because my hands start getting froze bit very fast. 30 seconds without gloves on is enough to make them numb-hurt, and unable to move them or warm them up. However, within 2 miles the sun started to warm things up very fast, and by the time I got through 5 miles I no longer needed a jacket. And within 6 miles (the first 10 K loop) I only needed one layer of a tech shirt, no hat, and switched out my gloves for warmer glove. I went back and forth between needing them and not needing any. The circulation to my fingers is strange sometimes. But I used the warmer gloves the rest of the race.

The race consist of two loops a 10K groomed golf course loop, which is very packed down. The first 2 miles is not too bad, but then the 3-mile loop at the end is a lot of uphill, and then the last mile is an easy shoot to the start. The second loop is a 5 K mountain loop, very steep, and very hard on the quads, especially in snowshoes. I hated the first half, until I got to the top and went downhill! That loop took me about an hour and 10 minutes.
The course goes like this 10k, 5k, 10k, 10k, 5k, 10k and the first 10, and 5k snowshoes are required. The second 5K snowshoes are necessary. But not on the 10K loop. So I did the first two loops in about 3 hours and took off my snowshoes, but left the flight boots. On the start of the second 10K loop with the flight boots my legs were hurting badly. I got to the aid station 2 miles in, and took them off, and just went in running shoes. I didn't realize what different muscles where used in the snowshoes and boots, because when I took them of the pain was immediately gone, and my legs felt fresh! So I completed the 3rd loop by 5 hours into the race, and felt that I would be able to make up a lot of time on the next 2 10k loops with just wearing running shoes. I was right, however, by 2 miles into the 3rd 10K loop, I could feel my muscles were fatiguing more, and I knew the 3 mile uphill loop, and the 5K mountain loop in snow shoes again, would probably be a lot of beating on the legs that would lead to me being not effective in training on Monday and Tuesday. So I thought about it for a minute after starting up the 3-mile climb, and intuitively felt like it was time to drop down, so I could save the strength in my legs for next week. It felt like the right decision, and I felt OK about it, because i knew I was not quitting because I was at my limit. I knew I would have completed the race if I wasn't fighting in a week, and I knew it was a good training run for my future trail races this year, including the 2 100 milers I want to complete this year. Those races are more important to me to complete.

So I walked the last mile back to the start, and had completed 30K. It was a good day, good training, and not over training for the fight. I have not had time for a lot of long runs the last couple of months, so it was good to have a 19.5-mile run, to prep for getting my miles up the next couple of months. I need to mentally be in hard and committed training mode from now on so I can meet my time goals for the 50 milers and 100K, and marathons, in order to feel like I can complete the 100 milers, and under the time limit.

It made me excited for the races I have coming up, and confidant that I will complete them all this year, barring any unseen problems. I really think I am going to do all of them, and with my nutritional help I am getting better!

So boys and girls there is my report, and I will see you at future races! I think I will try and complete this one again next year, but try to get some actual snowshoe training runs in.

Workman Multisport Institute 5k- Dec 20, 2009

2009-12-22T18:40:00.002-07:00

My two brothers just started a gym in Salt Lake and they put on their first race on Saturday December 20th. It was an unofficial event, and the course was really about 3.2 to 3.3 miles. It consisted of 2 loops around Sugarhouse Park. I have been training here and there in my vibrum 5-fingers, but I decided to try this race in them and see how I did. I completed the course in 25:06 and came in 4th out of 13 finishers, and 2nd place in the women's division. I have a shiny metal to boot. Not bad for a freeby race :) Jeff came in 22 seconds ahead of me and 3rd overall, second in the men. My speedy brother Sean took 1st place. Between 2-4 place were only about 4o seconds, we were all neck in neck the whole time, and I was ahead of Jeff a lot of the time, but he is faster down the hills and had to beat me on the last hill ( couldn't handle being chicked by his wife).
There was a drawing for a GoBe and Jeff won the drawing, so in the end the Tulley family made a hule, and the Workman clan took 3 of the 4 top spots. The girl who was ahead of me and beat me by 40 seconds (sorry can't remember her name) also did a great job and gave me a good chase! Thanks Tyler and Erik for putting on the race, lets do it again soon!

Earn Your Turkey 4 mile Run/Walk 2009

2009-11-27T15:20:00.003-07:00

This was a fun little four mile race put on by Runner's Corner and Sojourner's Running Club. This is the first short race I have competed in since 2006. I entered it because my 7 year old daughter wanted to run a race. She entered the kids 800 meter run, and I entered the 4 mile run. I bought her a special new running suit the night before, and gave her some special running food (sports beans) to put in her pocket. She was stoked! She has been talking about running a race since spring.

The race started out very cold, but warmed up pretty fast. I had wanted to finish in under 32 minutes, but I started near the back of the start line, and trying to push through 529 people made my start slow down. I ended up finishing in 33:26, but the official time recorded was 33:37. It was not chipped, so unless I read the 3 as a 2 they or I were off by 11 seconds.

My finish place was 10 out of 65 for my age/gender group. I thought I had only seen 307 on the finish report and it has my finish as 66th out of 307, but on the email they sent out it says my place is 227 out of 569. So I am not sure was the 66th out of 307 means. Maybe that was over all women?

Helen did great for her first race she finished in 4:58, and 52 out of 71. She was 10th out of 14th in her gender/age group. She thought it was cool that we were both in 10th place. It was fun, and I ran the 800 meters with her and gave her encouragement so she would keep running and not walk. She got tired about half way and wanted to walk, but pushed through it, and she was happy at the end. I wanted her first race to be positive so that she wants to do more, and I think it was!

I am planning on doing more short races this winter and hopefully challenge my speed. I have a goal of getting a 21 minute 5 K by March.

I am planning on signing up for a 50 K Snowshoe race in January. Stay tuned..................

Odgen Valley 50- October 24th, 2009

2009-11-27T14:52:00.002-07:00

I am finally getting around to writing this race report. I have been so busy with school and my practicum. This was my 3rd race in four weeks, and a Muay Thai fight in between. I actually did better with speed this race. I had expected to take it way easy, because I had already done so much. I had taken a blow to my left shin at the fight, and it took about 4 weeks to feel normal again. But it didn't hurt to run on it, it was just very sore, and effected my kicking more than anything.

This was my third year of OV 50. The course starts at Mountain Green, UT, and follows a road to a ski resort (Snow Basin) , goes around a reservoir, and loops back up Snow Basin and back to Mountain Green. OV was also my first ultra in 2007. The course is all pavement, but it is a lot of steep up on Snow Basin Road for 8-9 miles followed by 6-7 miles of steep down (15 miles total). Then you take a 20 mile loop around Pineview Reservoir. The loop is pretty, but flat, and it is easy to get a little bored of the flat. It is also all road, and I wasn't sure I was going to do it, because I am starting to avoid road races. But I think it is good for me to do a road race every once in a while. It is also a great race because there are less than 50 people. Striders Running in Layton sponsors the race. What I most like about it is that there is one aid station at mile 15 and 35 (the end of Snow Basin Road) and the rest of the time the folks drive around support and have trucks loaded with ultrafood, and drinks. They check on you about every 2-3 miles, and you have mobile aid! It is a great service, and I like the race just for that alone.

This year the weather was great. It was cold in the morning for the first 15 miles, but the rest of the day was not too bad except a few hours in the afternoon there was rain. I did not find the rain to bothersome, because until I got to mile 35 the temperature was fine. After I hit Snow Basin it was a little cool until I got to the top and started the downhill. Once I dropped in elevation it was great temperature again, and the rain had stopped.

I took it way easy, but I still did a PR on this course. Previously my times were around 11:45 for both years. This year it was around 11:21. Now I am wishing I had not taken it so easy because I am pretty sure I could have done under 11 hours if I would have been trying. The best thing this year was the last 7 miles, I hit it into high gear, and did a 9-9:30 pace without stopping to the finish line. That is where I made up a lot of time for my meandering around Pineview, just because I was enjoying the day and didn't care.

I think had I done this kind of back to back racing, and then had a 100 miler within a month, I could finish it now. Next year I plan on doing more back to back long runs like this, before Bear, and I am going to finish it next year! I took three weeks off, well mostly, and now I am back into full training mode.

A deviation from running

2009-10-17T21:47:00.001-06:00

I did my first Muay Thai fight today, check it out!

St. George Marathon and upcoming fight!

2009-10-04T14:07:00.002-06:00

Yesterday I ran the St. George marathon. I was given a spot by TIFIE Humanitarian (http://www.tifie.org)
I would encourage you to look at the website and see the work TIFIE is doing in the United States, and in Congo.
It was a perfect day to run. I ran St. George last year, and it rained the whole time, it was cold, and miserable. Yesterday, the weather was great! Not too hot, and no rain! I saw Carl Tippets, who also ran Bear last week. He actually finished Bear, and ran a sub 4:20 race! Great job! Saw a couple of other friends running the race, and it was fun to see my friends from other races. I generally am not loving the hype and crowds of these bigger marathons, and much prefer the small community of utlrarunners, but St. George is a pretty course, and an easy marathon for running right after a difficult trail run. I was able to complete the marathon in 4:48, and that was with a 10 minute delay in having to take care of some "business" at a port-a-potty in the middle of the race. Other runners in line didn't seem to be concerned that a long sit on the pot was delaying their time, and other runners. It was a bit annoying, but I had run past two aid stations because of the lines, and really had to stop in order to be ok the rest of the race. I made up some time, but had I not had that delay, I would have been under 4:40. I think that is pretty good considering I did 45 miles of Bear last week, and I haven't done races on back to back weekends yet. I am hoping that means I am getting better, and that next summer I will actually be able to complete a 100 miler. With some more trail races, and training, I am planning on finishing Bear next summer, and going for a goal of under 30 hours. I am getting faster on the trails, and more stable on the down hills. I just need a little more experience and practice, and I will do it!

I know St. George was only a marathon distance, but I needed to have a finish after DNFing at Kat'cina Mosa and at Bear. And the fact I could do back to back races and feel fine today was a confidence booster for me. I was developing a fear that DNFing was going to keep happening. Two in a row is not a good feeling. I am feeling confident again, and plan on getting better at ultrarunning, and trail races.

I am considering doing the Ogden Valley 50 again. It is on Oct 24th. It is all road, but I am having withdrawals about winter coming, and trail races limited. But I am not sure if I will do it yet, because all my Saturdays in October I busy. I am also thinking about the Snow Shoe marathon in January. I haven't had a lot of snow running experience, but maybe it will be good for my training for next years races.

I am now focusing on my fight coming up on October 17th. It is in Orem at Throwdown etc. Please come and support the fights! The next two weeks will be totally focused on fighting, and running is taking a back seat until the fight is over. If I decide to run OV 50 the week after that, it will be a run, no stress, session wrap up for me. I wish it wasn't all pavement, but I do like the race. The people at Strider's to a great job with support on the course, and it is a nice small race!

Bear 100 Race Report

2009-09-27T04:50:00.002-06:00

This was my first attempt at 100 miles. Unfortunately all of the life changes I have had with graduating from UVU, starting grad school at the U, plus a 24 hour birth this week have made it very difficult to get a lot of training runs in. I made it 45 miles of this course, and it was really a beautiful run. I am really pretty bummed that I didn't even get half way. It seemed like quiting was the thing to do at mile 45, and it wasn't a light decision, but I woke up yesterday thinking, after 8 hours of sleep: "OK, I can finish the course now." I am really pretty bummed about having two DNFs in a row, but I also think I am slowly figuring out how to do these mountain runs, and how to get faster and conserve more energy. For one, I REALLY have to have some time to heat train. Two summers ago when I started doing these races I did a lot of runs in the Summer heat with 90+ degree temperatures. This summer it has been pretty crazy. I was first trying to finish the last two classes I had to graduate, then I finally got into grad school, and the rest of the summer was spent getting life in enough order to go to school.
If there is anything I hate, it is not accomplishing what I started, and these two courses now have a personal fight to pick with me. I will finish both of them next year! I believe the heat was what killed me in both Kat'cina Mosa and the Bear. The difference in the Bear and why I lasted until mile 45 is because I figured out the hydration balance this time. I have had a problem with over-hydrating in the past, and I ran out of water and got very dehydrated at Kat'cina Mosa. Plus, I had not been feeling well the few weeks before KM, and had a really hard time with my electrolyte balance.
This time I had a bigger hydration pack, and I was able to maintain a pretty good balance. The hydration wasn't the issue, but the heat killed me, and although I did better once it cooled off, I had a hard time fully recovering. I am not sure what that is about. In the past I have not had a problem with the heat as much as I have this year. This year I seem to overheat very easily and get sick as a result.
My next problem is this course destroyed my feet worse than they have ever been destroyed before. The Write double layer socks are the first part. I have compression socks that I wear more often, and I have decided I will stick to those from now on. I also will not put Blister Shield, or Body Glide on my feet anymore. Every time I have done that I have ended up with more blisters. My shoes I wore for the first part of the race were really to broken down to race in, I was going to switch to my trail shoes at mile 51 to have the better shoes in the second half of the race. I would have figured out how to get around my feet, however, if the heat had not wiped me out. All that said, I enjoyed the 45 miles I ran and here is my report from the first half.
Thursday afternoon I left straight from supervision at the CJC to head up to Smithfield. My supervision this week had gone way over so I was rushing to get up there in time. I dropped my bags at Leland Barker's farm, and as I got there I saw my puny bags put against these duffel bags. I started wondering if I had brought enough stuff. But I did, I am just a light packer. After dropping of my bags I went to the pre-race briefing where I saw the Geoff Roes, who just smashed the course record at Wasatch two weeks ago, was also checking in.
After the meeting I went to the IHOP in Logan and did some studying before heading to the start line to park my van and sleep. I slept pretty well in the van, and woke up at 5am feeling ready to go.
At 6 am we were off, I overheard an observer state "Look at all that crazy in one place!" We headed up to Little Baldy Pass, and quietly made our way up the single track trail. I marched in the line for about two-three miles, and then stepped aside to get to the back of the line where I didn't feel crowded, and I could get my new poles ready to use. I figured we had all day, the first part of the race on an uphill takes a while to thin out, and so I just took the first four easy. I have decided my strategy right now is to be conservative on the uphill climbs, and then make up time on the down hills. With my new poles, I am a lot more stable on the downhill trails, and I move about twice as fast. Even though I have been doing Ultras for two years, I really have just started doing technical trail runs this year. I am still trying to figure out how to be confident on rock trails without killing myself. The poles helped with that, and I only fell one time, which is probably a record for me.
After getting to the first aid at Logan Peak in a slow but steady time, around 9:30, I picked up the speed and made it to Leathem Hollow aid station in good time. It was a very pretty stretch, and the fall colors were vibrant! I did the next section to Cowley Canyon pretty conservatively. I probably could have picked it up a little bit, but I still made it within 30 minutes of the goal split time I had been aiming for. I had hoped to get there around 2:30, I got there at 3. The problem is, by this time the heat was really starting to get to me and I was feeling pretty dizzy and weak. I sat down for about 23 minutes in the shade, and tried to take care of some small blisters that were forming. It was this point that Mark Colman and I started leapfrogging a bit. I got there a few minutes before him, but we left around the same time. The next 3 miles were hell. It was on a dirt road, in the heat, and uphill. My lower back started cramping up on this hill, making it hard to go very fast, but I still made decent time. After reaching the trail to Right Fork, I started to feel a little better, but I was feeling weak, and it took me an hour to get to the aid station because I had to stop a couple of times and regain some energy. I had really good luck with the first part of the race drinking a can of Ensure at every aid station. I have decided that is the best thing for me in a race. When I can't stand to look at anything else I can drink it, and it has about the right balance of carbs and protein to give me the right kind of energy. I had not put a drop bad at Right Fork, and I should have. I felt weak leaving Right Fork, and didn't want to go on at that aid station. It took me forever to get to Mudflat summit, but I eventually gained a bit more strength, and started feeling a little better, I ran most of the way down the 4.4 mile stretch to Temple Fork, and got there in the dark around 8:45 pm. I had expected to get there no latter then 7pm. Mark got there at 8:30, and finished the race in about 34:17, so there is a chance I could have recovered and made it. But I was pretty week, and still having some dizzy and lightheaded. I was pretty drained, and my feet were wreaked. I sat there for 20 minutes trying to decide what to do, and finally decided it wasn't going to work this time.
Jeff and I went back to the van and tried to sleep because it was so late, and I was to tired to drive. He had driven up in his car, so I had to drive back on my own. I woke up a couple of hours later in more pain then I have ever been in after a race. I tried to get up and was dizzy, and nauseated, and the pressure from the huge blisters on my feet was unbearable. I had done well at hydrating until the last stretch from Right Fork to Temple Fork, and then I think I let it slide. It wasn't a problem until later, because I would have been fine but I also didn't rehydrate after I was done running, and had only had a half a can of Ensure and a few crackers at the end of my race. I think I experienced a combination of dehydration and low blood sugar in the middle of the night. I was in so much confusion and pain I think Jeff was ready to take me to the hospital because I asked him to put some thread through the blisters to relieve the pressure and bandage my feet. I stepped out of the car and couldn't handle being upright at all feeling like I was going to pass out. I sat there and sipped Gatorade and water and eventually started to feel my head clear, my legs stopped cramping, and I could tolerate my feet. It was a strange experience, but short lived. We decided to leave my van there, and drive to East Canyon to my parents house to sleep. Don't know why we didn't think of that in the first place. After sleeping until noon, we got up, and decided to go to the end of the race.
I have had a little more soreness on this race then normal, but it is starting to go away, and I think I will be in good shape for the St. George Marathon this upcoming weekend, provided I can get my feet normal enough to run. Since I only did 45 miles this weekend, I am hoping to do a PR at St. George. I was given this spot by TIFIE to run St. George. In general, I am starting to lose interest in running marathons because most of them are on pavement, and the crowds are much larger. The challenge of the trail courses is a lot more exciting to me. Having to pay attention to every little rock on the trail makes the run more fun. But every once in a while, a normal marathon is probably a good speed test. I can go a lot faster on the road without having to climb mountains, and go down rocky trails, or climb around fallen trees. Of all the road marathons in Utah, St. George is one of the more scenic, even being on pavement. So watch for my report next week. This will be a test on how fast I actually recover from an ultra, running a marathon back to back weekends. I know there are guys that do it all the time, but I am relatively new to distance running, so this is the next step up. I feel like my recovery time from 50 milers has gotten pretty short after two years.
St. George is the last race I have planned for this year. I am also fighting in 3 weeks at the Smoker Bouts at Throwdown.
'

Wasatch 100 pacer abuse

2009-09-12T11:31:00.004-06:00

This is Geoff's pacer who stumbled in 1 hour after Geoff

2009-09-12T11:06:00.000-06:00

Wasatch 100 updates

2009-09-11T23:56:00.002-06:00

I am manning the aid station at the finish. Geoff Roes just broke the previous course record by 1:05! Incredible 18:30:55. Karl Meltzer expected in the next 15 minutes

Meltzer in at 19:12, 23 minutes ahead of the previous course record!

Ka'cina Mosa 100k Report- My First DNF :(

2009-08-01T23:11:00.000-06:00

This was a challenging race 100k Mountain run. This year only 33 runners started. It also ended up being my first DNF. Kind of a scary DNF. I started out at 2am feeling great, I got up to Camel Pass at 6am, and then started the climb up to Lightening Ridge, the toughest climb of the course. On the way up I noticed I wasn't handling the climb as well as I normally handle climbs. Even though it wasn't hot yet and I was taking Scaps and hydrating I started feeling very dizzy and nauseated near the top. I have run some fairly tough races, and climbs, and none of them have taken it out of me like that. It was bad enough that I had made the decision to drop at Big Springs (mile 23). However, by the time I got to the bottom, drank some ensure, got some potatoes with salt, etc, I was feeling OK (about 5 minutes). So I decided to go on to Windy pass. At this point I had made the first cutoff by an hour, and was pretty sure I could get up to Windy Pass(mile 29) by 12:30, and then run down to Little Valley and make the 40 mile cut off by 3--3:30 and hour to and hour and a half ahead of the cut of. From that point the rest of the course is not as challenging.

I made up to Windy Pass just fine, and felt OK, however, it was very hot and I ran out of water just before the aid station. I should have hydrated really well at the aid station, and then filled my water bottles, but at that point it was hot, and I was getting over heated, and I did not notice I was not thinking very clearly. I left the aid station with 30 ounces of water, and had forgotten to fill up my extra bottle I was carrying. I climbed the rest of the ridge at Windy Pass, and started to feel sick, half way down the pass I started getting a little delirious, but thought I would be fine once I got to the lower ridge. The last runner passed me and asked if I was OK. She noticed that I was down to 8 oz of water, and offered me some, but I didn't want to take hers and risk her not having enough. I should have realized I was going to be in trouble at that point, and had her get Jeff, who was at the Little Valley Aid station below, and send him up with water. However, she thought there was one person behind me, so I thought I was OK, and that if I wasn't I could ask the runner behind me to notify the aid station. There was no runner behind her! At that point I had 7 mile to go, at 8 ounces of water, in 90 degree heat, and I think I was already pretty dehydrated. Got down another mile or so with very little water, and started feeling very dizzy. I tried to take plan electrolyte drops with the few ounces of water I had, but then realized they Prolyte drops probably would not help much without actual water. I also realized that I could not eat because all I had left was gel, and it would dehydrated me more without water to take it with. At this point I also realized there was no runner behind me, and I was in trouble. I was dizzy, lightheaded, and very thing was turning blurry. I decided the best thing to do was to keep walking at an easy pace, another mile or two down, I felt like I was going to break down, and was having a hard time keeping my head, it took all my concentration to not let myself give in to wanting to sit down, or stop. Every time I stopped I would nearly pass out. In my delirium, I was not afraid of dying, but of passing out, and someone having to look for me and Lifeflighting me out of there, I thought that would be really embarrassing. But I was also afraid to just stop because I had over 3 hours until the cut off when I first started feeling like I was in trouble, and knew if I stopped it would be at least 3 hours until someone would come looking for me. I thought if I could at least get to the aid station, even if I needed IV fluids, at least I could be driven to the ER, and not have to draw a scene. It is really funny the things you worry about when you are not thinking straight. After a while I begin to notice that my mouth was completely dry, as well as my lips, then I started checking my pulse I could feel it on my wrist, but going at a speed of 2 miles per hour downhill it was about 130 bpm. My resting pulse is about 50, and it gets to 130-140 if I am exercising strenuously. So at that point I knew that I had to keep my head as clear as I could, and that every decision was probably life or death. Some how I finally managed to get far enough down the trail, and found a spring 1.25 miles from the aid station. I am not sure I would have made it the last mile without passing out if I had not found the spring. I was very dehydrated,and overheated. So I sat down next to the spring, and poured water all over me to cool me down, and then started to slowly rehydrate. Eventually I felt OK enough to keep going. At that point, I was still in time enough, that had a ran down the hill, I would have even made the cut off, but I had decided earlier on the trek down, that I needed to drop when I got to the aid station. I was too dehydrated to go another 24 miles. I got down about a quarter of a mile, and Jeff had finally realized I was probably in trouble when the lady who passed me told me how much water I had had 7 miles ago, and the guy just ahead of me had stopped at the spring for 30 minutes and waited for me and I never came. It turned out, he probably left about 30 seconds before I got there. He had already decided to drop himself. So Jeff walked down with me the last mile, and all I could do was sit in a chair and watch the aid people break down the station. The other guy who DNF'd was a paramedic, and offered to give me an IV if I needed one, but after sitting for 30 minutes, I thought I would probably be OK. I am still not fully re-hydrated, and can feel it. But I am ok

The moral of the story is, always have enough water! I am going to get a bigger hydration pack for the Bear 100.

The good news is, I finished the most difficult part of the course, and I learned that I have pretty good survival instincts. I think that is from the years of midwifery, and learning not lose my head in a real crisis. I thought I would have a hard time the first time I DNF'd, but I did not. I was so happy to come down the mountain alive, that I felt like that was a greater accomplishment than finishing.

I want to do this course again, but I will carry a lot more water. It can get really hot in August!

Timp Sumit 7/26/09

2009-07-31T12:48:00.002-06:00

I did a training run on Timp. Great run! I ran into some Mountain Goats near the summit. I got some awesom closeup picture of them. The only downside was wiping out the last half mile on the way down, and badly bruising my knees. They were really stiff for a couple of days, but now they are fine. Running Kat'china Mosa in the morning.

Grad School!!

2009-07-01T08:30:00.000-06:00

I just got accepted to grad school!! I will be attending the University of Utah's MSW program in the fall.... Yay, more school!!! haha

Running Bare Foot

2009-06-26T22:11:00.002-06:00

I am trying to make the switch to barefoot running. I bought the Five Finger Vibrums KSO
from a friend who gave me a pair to try. I worn them around school all winter, and finally have started running in them the last couple of months. Really only a few times, but getting longer on the distance each time. I wasn't getting past 2 miles because I would start getting blisters every time. So today on the advice of some experienced ultrarunners I purchased the Injinji
running sock! The perfect solution for the vibrum! And guess what, no blisters! The only problem now is that because my feet weren't rubbing, I took off fast, and ran 1 mile of trail, and then 1.2 miles down pavement. OUCH! my toes cramped up on the bottom of my right foot. Running in the VFFs on pavement forces you to pay very close attention to your form and stride! Running uphill on trails is easy, and running flat on trails is not much more difficult, but running on pavement is a lot harder on your foot, and requires you to tread lightly, and especially land mid sole. Vibrums will teach you where you stride is off. I found out tonight mine is off still on downhills. Because I have been working so much on not landing on my heels, I do ok on ups and flats, but I overcompensate on downhills, and land too far forward on my soles. I think I need to sit back more into my stride on the downhills. At any rate, I have found something new to try, and running barefoot is like learning a brand new sport.

I also bought the Invo-8 Roclite 305s trail shoe today. I am in heaven already! I have used the Cascadia's for the last year, and they have been a great shoe, but the Roclites are so much lighter and feel like I have nothing on my foot. I am going to alternate more between these two shoes before I decided what to replace my second shoe with. The Mizuno Wave and Brooks have been my shoes of choice for the last year, but now I am trying to go more for the minimum shoe, and so I am changing shoe strategy.

Squaw Peak 50 Mile Ultra 6/6/09

2009-06-07T11:04:00.003-06:00

I signed up for this race as my first real technical course. I have run 4 other 50 milers, but compared to this race, those ones now seem like a cakewalk. Since I did the Buffalo run in just under 11 hours this year, I though for sure I should be able to do Squaw in less than 14 hours..... not. Now that I know the terrain, I had better start training on for Kat'cina Mosa and Bear, or I am going to get my rear deflated. The course took me just over 16 hours, but I had fun anyway, and I will be lots faster next year, cause I am going to start training on more technical trails starting Monday AM!
The race started with a pre-race briefing on Saturday night. I walked into the Hampton in, and they asked me if I wanted to sign up for the early start at 4am. Those who were expecting to take more then 15 hours could start an hour earlier. I was going to finish in fewer than 14, so I didn't. We got our cool race bags, and garb and shared a spaghetti diner while John briefed us on the course.
The next day I woke up at 3:45 and Jeff and I headed to Vivian Park at 4:15. While I was dropping off my drop bags, Jeff was helping get stuff ready to take up to aid station 8 where he would be spending the day helping until I ran in, and then he would come with me and pace me the last 17 miles of the course.
At 4:55 all the runners lined up at the Provo Parkway Trail head and waiting for the final call to start, which we did, at 5am sharp. The first two miles of the course are paved, and knowing I had a 5-mile climb after that, I decided to gain some time on those fist two miles. The next 2 or so miles were mostly power walking with some jogs across the flats to hope campground. Then there was a small downhill sprint across some trails, which I slide on, and became the one and only time I fell on my face the whole race. That was pretty good for me. But the short sprint soon became some steep uphill again, and stayed mostly uphill until the top of Squaw Peak road. I decided to do this race with no Garmin, no watch, no IPod, etc. I just wanted to see what it was like to run a race and have no idea what mile you were at, no distraction, and for the most part not know what time it was until you got to an aid station. That actually was a lot of fun, but I was worried when I got to aid station 4 and the first 14.6 miles had taken me 4 hours! That is how steep the first climb was. At that point I decided this course was such a new and different type of racing then I was used to that I was not going to try and murder myself to get under 14 hours. Instead I was going to make it to aid station 8 by 2:30, the final cutoff and then try to not worry about time as much as figuring out the nuances of mountain trail racing, and what I need to work on to get better. There was no final cutoff for the race, just that you had to get to mile 33 by 2:30 that afternoon.
The next 10 miles I made up some time on the downhill run on Squaw Peak road into Hobble creek canyon, and then on the few miles of paved road. At that point, I was really just enjoying the scenery, and the run, and not even really thinking about it. When I got to aid station 6 I was surprised that I was at mile 26 already, and had 3 hours to get to aid station 8. Then I was a bit more relieved. 7 miles? On a normal race I could do that in an hour! Not on this race. The mostly uphill climb after that took me 2 hours and 30 minutes. But I got there by 2:00 and Jeff and I were out of there by 2:10. The next 5.5 miles I took pretty easy because I know the hill that lie ahead. The 1.5mile climb to Windy Pass. One and a half miles may seem like nothing in comparison to 50, but to runners who have completed the course before, it is the most dreaded part of the course, and could take you 1-2 hours to climb it because of the 1500 ft climb. Taking the 5.5 miles easy was a good idea, and I caught up to a bunch of people by the time I started the climb, however, I power-walked the first half of the hill too fast. I have a hard time walking the hills slowly, because it feels easier to walk them fast. This hill took it out of me, and I started getting dizzy and nauseated ½ way up. The problem is, once you are on that hill you have to finish the climb because it is the only way off the mountain. It is longer to go back to aid 8, and if you get to aid station 9 at the top of the hill, the rest of the course is downhill.
I managed to get up to the pass by about 5:45…. 3:30 hours to get to the top of windy pass from aid station 8!! Ouch! At the top was Jim Skaggs, and his chocolate chip cookies, and there was much rejoicing. After that climb there was about 6.5 miles down the mountain to aid station 10. That downhill stretch is a little slow because there are so many loose rocks. That additionally slowed me down. I decided I am going to do a lot of training runs on that type of terrain because that is what slows me down too much. We finally got down to aid 10 and left for the final 3.5 miles on pavement to Vivian Park. The last stretch took me about 40 minutes because I was having problems breathing. The last uphill climb had left me with fluid in my lungs, and I was breathing like an asthmatic! I finally strolled into the park sometime around 9pm. I was to tired, I didn’t actually see what time I came in, and forgot about it until after I left the park. But judging from the fact that we left around 9:30, I think I came in between 9 pm and 9:10pm, which means the whole course took me 16 or so hours to complete.
All in all it was a really fun race, my legs actually don’t hurt that much, so I guess I can handle that terrain. When I got done the body parts that were bugging me the most were my neck, and my lungs. Not my legs! The usual night after of fitful sleep did not happen this time because I was up for so long, and working for so long, that I had no problem falling asleep. I am not even sure if I needed the precautionary Motrin that I took.
Already I can’t wait for the next race, and now I have the challenge of getting faster on trails before August, and especially before Bear in September. Looking at the elevation profile, I am expecting Bear to be twice as hard as Squaw, course-wise, and really more because it is twice the distance. Last night I was wondering why I like to put myself through these. I always saw that at the end of an ultra, but it only last an hour or two, and even then I am thinking about how to improve the next race.

Bear 100

2009-05-31T22:54:00.002-06:00

I just did it! I wasn't planning on doing a 100m this year, but I just got inspired to sign up for the Bear 100. So I am going to attempt it this year. I am wondering about my sanity a bit, but I am a thrill seeker, and this seems like a thrill!

Also, I have been in some negotiations with one of the grad schools I applied to. I am on the top of the alternate list now. Pray that I get into the program in the fall!!!

Upcoming besides Squaw

Kat'cina Mosa 100k

Bear 100M

Squaw Peak 50 Training Run on May 30,2009

2009-05-31T08:53:00.001-06:00

Squaw Peak 50 Training Run at the Top of Bozung Hill
Next week I will be running my 5th 50 miler. Squaw Peak is officially rated as the 3rd most difficult course in the U.S for 50 milers. I am calling it good training for the 100 miler I plan on signing up for in the next 12-24 months.

Yesterday was Jeff's birthday, and we spent it running from mile 33 to mile 46.5 with John Bozung and his wife, and a few other crazies who will be there next week . The snow level was pretty low this year. A few difficult spots coming down from Windy Ridge, but from what I had heard, it can be a lot worse. I am excited! This will be an adventure next week, not to mention a beautiful course! Stay tuned for an official race report and more pictures.

Ogden Marathon May 17, 2009

2009-05-17T22:24:00.002-06:00

Yesterday I ran my favorite marathon course, Ogden! This marathon starts up near Huntsville Utah, and runs around Pineview reservoir. After coming around the reservoir the course takes a turn down Ogden Canyon, into a parkway, and the last half mile ends in downtown Ogden. The course runs a little long by my GPS 26.63 miles. My total time was 4:34. This was a great race. My boxing training has helped my run. I did not push my pace at all because I am doing Squaw Peak in 3 weeks, but my time was still good for how easy it felt. The weather was perfect. The morning started out a little cold until the sun came up, but within 2-3 miles of the start of the race it was warming up a lot.

My only problem today is a cramp in my left arch that won't go away. I tried a sample of the KT athletic tape that I got in my race packet. It may be helping a little bit. I am working it out, but I am taking tomorrow off from boxing because I think it will aggravate it. Instead I might run 2-3 miles and then go to a boring yoga class ( to hitting and kicking , but my body probably needs the stretch).

I did have a hard time getting going this morning. I had only gotten 2.5 hours of sleep the night of the race because I was catching up with some friends, and stayed too late. So I was tired by last night, but I am feeling really good now.

Look for a post on the Squaw Peak 50. I am running SP on June 7th.

Antelope Island 50 Mile March 28 2009

2009-04-05T20:19:00.003-06:00

This is the second year I have run the Antelope Island 50 Mile Buffalo Run. Of all of the days of the week, this was the best day for the race. It had snowed all week before, and it snowed for the next week after.

However, the day of the race was perfect. The trails were mostly dry, the sun was out, and after 10 am I was in short sleeves.

I arrived at Striders Running store in Layton around 6pm to pick up my race packet. Because I was the first to register for the race this year, my bib # was #1! There are some benefits to being OCD :) After picking up my bib it was off to East Canyon to try and get some sleep. I was with Jeff and the kids, and we went to my parents house for the night. My mom took the kids so they could go to a family party, and Easter egg hunt the next day. I managed to get all my drop bags labeled and sorted, and got to bed by 9:30pm. Then I tried to get some pre-race sleep before getting up at 3:30am.

At 4:00am Jeff and I headed out to Antelope Island. When we arrived at 5:30, I wasn't sure about the temp. But after warming up by the can fire, I was ready. The pre-race instructions were confusing as usual..... go this way, turn that way, and then go that way some more..... and we were off at 6 am. I had wanted to make a goal to get under 11 hours this year, but the semester has been crazy and my training runs have been lacking, so I didn't know how hard I was going to push it.

I was surprised how much easier the first 6 miles were for me this year. All the core training has been good for my uphills. I have been boxing for about 6 months now, and that has helped my running a lot. When we got to the Elephant head trail, I decided to be backward and do the second loop first this year, and the first loop second. It was a fun switch up, and actually made the trails less crowded for me, since most people did it in the correct order :)

After finishing my loops (about 13.5miles) I decided I really didn't feel like listening to music. My head is so over stimulated with school. I had not listened to it up until that point, so I dropped my Ipod in my bag, and ran the whole day in silence. It was nice.

At mile 20 I got to the White Head trail station, and took off both of my long sleeve shirts. I applied sunscreen, but I should have has someone else get my back, cause I missed a large section, and ended up with a pretty bad sunburn.

I was glad to only have the 2 mile offshoot that we had last year 1 time! That is where all the mud was. The rest of the trail to Lower Frary was very nice. I got a little mentally defeated at mile 23 this time. I didn't feel physically bad, but I felt a sudden desire to go back to bed. But I kept going after realizing I could walk the rest of the way and still make it under the 12:30 time limit. I did not walk the whole way, it was just a mental game that kept me into the race. I never drop out of a race once I start, even if I don't feel like running it. At lower Frary I made a shoe change. That was nice. I made it from Lower Frary (mile 27) to the ranch (mile 32.5) and there Jeff met me. He had been volunteering at that aid station all day. From there he paced me to the finish.

We made it back to Lower Frary, and I was happy to be within a 1/2 marathon distance to the end! I picked up the pace quite a bit from there, and I got to mile 45 at almost exactly 10 hours. Jeff thought I would get under 11 hours at that point, but I wasn't sure how fast I would do the last 5 miles, because they took me more than 1 hour last year. But this year, I felt stronger at the end, and was doing fine. As we went around the point, I passed a girl. She was actually what speed me up even more. I wasn't really competing, but when I wanted to pass her the first time, she was blocking the trail and not letting me pass. This irritated me, because it is common courtesy to let someone pass who is faster than you. I passed, and with in a minute she speed up and passed me. I could tell she was determined to stay ahead of me, but also that she was burning out. I let her stay ahead of me for about a mile, but when she slowed down again, I had to pass her, and being sick of the game, I sprinted the last two miles.

I think I did the last two in about 19 minutes, which gave me enough of an edge to finish the race in 10:59:05, under the 11 hour mark! And a qualifying time for Wasatch 100. I qualified last year on the Grand Slam, and 3 50's in 12 month rule, but not under the 11 hour rule :) I don't think I will do Wasatch this year, but it was nice to hit that milestone.

I did not make it into the grad program I was hoping to get into for fall, so I will have a lot of time to train this year, and work on my time. I am planning on going to Africa for about 6 weeks in January/February to climb Kili, and do research in Congo. This fall is going to be a big change because I will not be in school full time, and it has been my life for the last two years. I am going back to take one course, and do research. I will spend the rest of the time running, and writing my book. Because of school, I have cut down my practice, and while I may take a few clients now in the fall, it will probably not be a lot, and so it will be different.

But it won't be totally not busy. In fact it may be more busy, just less structured. I am going to apply to 6 grad programs 3 Social Work and 3 Psychology programs. I am hoping to get into the Social work programs, because I really just want to get an MSW and then eventually pursue a Doctorate in Anthropology. Because one of the programs I am applying to for the MSW requires the GRE, I decided I might as well just apply for the Psych programs and see what happens. The psych programs are a lot more competitive, so I have a better chance with any of the 3 MSW programs for 2010 anyway. I am grieving not getting in this fall, but it has opened up a lot of doors for me to do other work that I want to do, and the African experience will be a one of a kind experience.

My next race is Squaw Peak in 61 days. That will be the most challenging course yet.

Welcome to my Running Blog

2009-04-05T16:30:00.001-06:00

I am a runner. I run Ultras, and marathons. I decided to start a new blog for my running adventures.